COPS: Too Hot for TV! by Barbour/Langley Productions, Inc.

Sitcoms, soaps, prime-time dramas--these are just stories somebody made up. If you want unvarnished truth rather than glossy fiction, you have to watch "reality" TV. America's Funniest Home Videos taught me that birthday parties can go tragically awry; thanks to The Operation, I was able to identify the organ I found lying in my driveway last week as a pancreas. But for sheer educational value, you can't beat COPS. This gritty, hard-hitting show tells the truth and nothing but the truth about life on the mean streets of America. Broadcast standards, however, prevent it from telling the whole truth, which includes naked bodies and dirty words. Hence this video release.

Here's what I learned from COPS: Too Hot for TV!. First, the average naked person is not exactly a feast for the eyes--unless your erotic ideal is a daytime-talk-show guest. The self-exposers captured in this video are much too busy getting drunk or stoned to stay in shape. I'm glad I saw their nakedness, because it's the biological truth, but I think I've seen enough. People, are you listening? Stay sober and keep your clothes on. Second, these folks could use some help from David Mamet with their dialogue. When Mamet characters say "fuck," it sounds like poetry. When real-life perps and witnesses let fly the f-word, it sounds as if that's the only word they know. A distinct lack of verbal imagination; very disappointing. Finally, did you realize that you can call a policeman filthy names, and he won't kick the shit out of you? It's true. If you don't believe me, check out COPS: Too Hot for TV!. The camera was right there.

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