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'When I die it's on you': Edina 911 caller asks dispatcher about lasagna

Pictured: A non-emergency.

Pictured: A non-emergency. tenaciousme, Flickr

Reports of a terrible crime have surfaced in the Minneapolis suburb of Edina.

Some maniac was talking about putting cheddar cheese in lasagna.

On Friday, the Edina Police Department tweeted a note about how calling 911 to ask about lasagna is inappropriate use of emergency services. Local blogger and public records ace Tony Webster called the department's bluff, filing a data request asking for the transcript of the call.

Edina cops quickly fulfilled Webster's request. Turns out, the only thing bullshit about this call is this person's choice in lasagna recipes -- and phone numbers to call for help.

Webster posted the release to Twitter Monday morning, admitting he "didn't believe it" at first, but now had the transcript in hand. 

 

 

So many things stand out about this conversation. For starters, how often do 911 calls begin with the caller asking the dispatcher, "How is it going?" 

Next, note the dispatcher's calm, polite, but firm reaction once he or she realizes what's happening. This professionalism carries to the very end, when the caller mentions the threat of imminent death, and the dispatcher -- finally facing a possibly real emergency -- asks, "Why would you be dying?" The question goes unanswered, but this person deserves a raise.

Third, this was absolutely an emergency. Anyone who thinks they can't make a lasagna because they don't have cheddar cheese is clearly on drugs or has lost touch with reality, and needs assistance. Ricotta, mozzarella, some parmesan for the top... that's it, man.

Save your cheddar for nachos.

And save your prank calls for phone lines that don't get called upon by people who are actually dying. Edina's got a reputation as a comfortable place to live, but surely there are people with bigger problems than having too much time on their hands.