What's a 'quarantine mojito'? We're sorry you asked.

"Chaz" making do, gol-dangit!

"Chaz" making do, gol-dangit! Facebook / Kayli Tower

Looking for a palate cleanser designed for These Trying Times? Luckily “Chaz,” Minnesota’s most charmingly deranged, unemployed bartender is here to pour you a cup of something really special. 

In a video posted by Kayli Tower simply captioned “This is quarantine when your bartending fiancé is jobless,” Anthony Cole (DBA Chaz) calmly guides viewers through the process of making a "mojito."

Less than 30 seconds in, it’s clear our teacher is far too calm for what's in store. 

Sure, mint can be hard to come by, and who among us hasn’t considered the versatility of Crest Scope +Whitening? But the epic nonchalance with which Chaz instructs viewers to “use about half of what we normally use to brush our teeth” in this desperation cocktail, to best adhere with “poison control guidelines”? 

Reader: It is terrifying perfection. 

And that’s just the tip of this apocalypse-flavored iceberg. Our even-keeled bartender takes full advantage of living in northern Minnesota by combining nature’s opulence (read: snow) with today's necessary resourcefulness (in the form of many surprise ingredients we won’t ruin, at least one of which is healthy!) and just the right amount of barely contained gleeall in under three minutes.

In honor of "Chaz," Tower, and Cole, we suggest you raise a glass (containing anything but his quarantine mojito) and imagine all the real mojitos yet to come. 

Related: If you’re intrigued by the idea of creating actually palatable stuff from your kitchen while in full #stayhome mode, chef David Fhima of Fhima’s has been releasing home cooking instructionals via his Insta since his restaurant’s dining room shut down.

His latest: Learn how to make pizza! Fhima’s first step? “Pour a glass of wine."