Top 5 weird food stories of the week: October 3-7

Wow, that looks... edible...
Wow, that looks... edible...

We all know the feeling.

We're stumbling down the sidewalk, our heads swimming with the effects of Irish Car Bombs and whatever that shot that tasted like a Butterfinger was called, and as we wobble and sway, we think:

I could really go for a pizza right now--I mean I can't possibly wait more than three minutes, tops.  I wish there was a vending machine right here that sold hot pizza.

Well, dream no more, drunkards.  Our fantasy has become reality!

Pizza vending machines, the French start a vendetta against Heinz, and Snoop Dogg wants his own giant rutabaga.  All this and more in this week's weird food wrapup.

Introducing the Pizza Vending Machine


The worst thing about pizza has got to be the waiting.  Dear god, the waiting!  Sometimes, it might be 30 minutes before we have melted mozzarella and thick tomato sauce in our mouths.  But Pizzametry, a New York-based company, is working ardently on a solution.  They've invented the vending machine in this video to make fresh pizzas in under four minutes.

The fact that the machine uses no frozen ingredients definitely seems like a plus.  However, we have to wonder exactly how good a machine-made pizza could really be.  There's just something not quite appealing about sauce squirting out of spigots and cheese dropping out of chutes.  After all, everyone knows the most important ingredient in any pizza is love.

Snoop Dogg wants farming tips

When 68-year-old Welsh farmer Ian Neale broke the world's record for world's largest rutabaga, the last thing he probably thought was "Yes! I bet I'll get to meet famous rappers now!"  But when Tha Doggfather caught wind of Neale's accomplishment, he released a video invitation for the gardening guru to come backstage at his upcoming Cardiff concert.  After initially declining, due to the fact that he had no idea who the hell this "Snoopy the Dog" fellow was, Neale decided to take Snoop up on his offer to help share his tips, saying "You shouldn't let secrets go to the grave", an opinion he may not share with Snoop.  Of course, we all know that Snoop Dogg just wants tips on how to grow cucumbers and squash. Right?   Here's the invitation:


"Oh, crap, it's like battery acid!"

"Killer Curry" contest comes too close to living up to its name

Kismot, an Indian/Pakistani restaurant in Edinburgh, Scotland, held a contest on October 1 to find a "Kurry King or Queen".  The contest was not an eating contest per se, with the ultimate goal not to see who could eat the most but rather who could endure a level of spicy heat described in the open invitation as "a top-secret nuclear-strength recipe using some of the world's hottest chilies" (apologies for the Google-cached version, the restaurant's website has exceeded its bandwidth due to the attention).  Two contestants ended up in the hospital, and the casualties could have been even greater-- if the second group of 10 contestants hadn't all withdrawn after watching the first 10 swoon, vomit, and pass out.  Manager Abdul Ali stated in an interview, "I think we'll tone it down, but we'll definitely do it next year."

Nipple bumps emit smell that babies can't resist

Some people (with too much time on their hands) have been wondering what the bumps around the outside of the areola were for.  Adding to the mystery was the fact that, in new mothers, these bumps issue a secretion during breastfeeding.  Well, now we all can rest a little easier knowing that French scientists have reported discovering a raison d'etre for the areolar glands: natural appetite-enhancing aromatherapy.  In a study published in the recent edition of New Scientist Magazine (what do you mean you don't have a subscription?), 121 newborns were observed breastfeeding over a period of time.  What the scientists found was that the mothers who had more areolar glands had babies who gained weight more quickly and suckled for longer.  While the researchers are saying this information could help acclimate tube-fed preemies to breastfeeding, the Hot Dish suspects this may have all been a ruse so some lonely nerds could finally see real boobs up close.

France bans ketchup


French elementary schools have new limitations enacted by the government that limit the cafeteria to serving French fries (which, ironically, are never called such in France) no more than once a week and then--and only then!--will the students be allowed to have ketchup.  Les etudiantes will no longer be allowed to slather their escargot in the sweet, red nectar of the gods either.  On the plus side, all the cafeterias will now offer unlimited baguettes, making every grade school in France a de facto Olive Garden.  The move is obviously one made to protect French culture and cuisine, which raises the question: If you have to pass laws to keep it alive, is it really all that great?


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