Top 5: Most low-brow Valentine's Day dinners

Have you been Googling "valentine's day cheap" lately? Perhaps you and your Sweet Baboo simply, ah, prefer all-you-can-eat restaurants, fast food, and animal gonads? It's one thing to need to go for an affordable option, quite another to openly pursue eating five Slyders on Valentine's Day. You might just have twisted senses of humor. We can respect that. Here's our Top 5 low-brow Valentine's Day dinner suggestions:

Top 5: Most low-brow Valentine's Day dinners

1. White Castle. In an attempt at what ... kitsch (?) White Castle's offering a sit-down dinner over candlelight this Valentine's Day, not to mention a prix fixe menu: 10 Slyders, two 21 oz. sodas and two regular fries for $10.79. The burger chain has been offering "Valentine's Day seating" for almost 20 years now. Call 651-646-1811 ext. 12 to score a table. Time slots available from 5 - 8 p.m.


Top 5: Most low-brow Valentine's Day dinners

2. Papa Murphy's. Nothing says "I love you" like a $7.99 heart-shaped, family-sized pepperoni pizza. The "take 'n' bake" pizza chain's offering a Valentine's Day special on its lovey-dovey novelty pies starting Feb. 10 and going through Valentine's Day (or starting even earlier, on Feb. 8, via a coupon available on its website). Especially recommended for those special lactose intolerant people in your life.


Top 5: Most low-brow Valentine's Day dinners

3. Origami for fugu testicles. Origami is literally about the furthest thing from low-brow possible, except when it comes to a potential collision between Valentine's Day and fugu testicles. Testicle consumption should be confined to rare and special occasions (such as when someone dares you, or offers you money, or you're wildly intoxicated), and Valentine's Day is just not one of them.


Top 5: Most low-brow Valentine's Day dinners

4. Matt's Bar for Jucy Lucys. Someone needs to come up with some type of catchy "Stop, drop, and roll" type directive related to the inverse relationship between your proximity to a restaurant's french fryer and subsequent romantic activity. Unless you're oddly turned on by greasy face slick and the idea of heavy, dank fryer smell unfolding as you peel off your winter layers, best to save hot molten cheese, fried onions and zero tableware for any number occasions other than V-Day.


Top 5: Most low-brow Valentine's Day dinners

5. Fogo de Chao. The fact that its affectionately referred to as "Fogo de Blow Chow" should act as a red flag when you're considering your Valentine's Day dinner options. Frankly, we recommend staying away from the all-you-can-eat in general. The opportunity to ingest unlimited quantities of 11 different types of meat is about the furthest thing from sexy we can imagine.

What's the most low-brow thing you've ever eaten on Valentine's Day?

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