Did you fail to make Valentine's reservations at La Belle Vie this weekend? Forget to pick up some of B.T. McElrath's decadent truffles? If that's the case then you're most likely already in the hurtbox, so don't make it worse by presenting your lady friend with Natural Harvest, a cookbook of semen-based recipes.
Yes, semen-based. Nothing says "break up with me" like serving your date an "Almost White Russian":
2 oz Vodka 1 oz Coffee liqueur 1/2 oz semen cream or milk ice cubes Pour vodka, semen and coffee liqueur over ice cubes and top up the glass with milk or cream.
How is this a valid recipe?! Author Paul Photenhauer appears to toss splooge into seemingly legit foods and call it a day. And really, nothing ruins flan like a coating of cum. Though apparently I'm in the minority since, according to cookingwithcum.com, a second edition with a "more refined layout" is in the works.
If you want to defy all reason and common sense, you can get yourself a copy of the 61-page, full-color cookbook for $24.95 by clicking here.