Review: Dot’s Southwest Style Pretzels (suck big time)

These were given multiple chances to prove themselves, and yet.

These were given multiple chances to prove themselves, and yet. Amanda White

I would consider myself a militant Dot’s Pretzel enthusiast. 

Dot’s are a constant companion in my apartment, I bring bags as hostess gifts, and they are my go-to birthday present for co-workers. I even developed a Dot’s-specific garlic dip recipe. Yes, they are a little expensive compared to your standard pretzel rod, but ultimately they are a premium product that I am willing to pay premium prices to enjoy. 

So when they announced their new Southwest flavor last September, I took to my workplace Slack like the Archangel Gabriel of the snack community to share the good news:

They were vague about the release date, but I kept my eyes and ears open. 

Imagine my surprise when I found a single blue bag amidst a sea of the classic Dot’s red packaging two weeks ago at Lund’s in Uptown! I grabbed that bag for $5.99 and headed home, excited to try what I believed would be the Cool Ranch Doritos of the premium pretzel world. 

Upon opening the bag, you get a decent hit of bell pepper and garlic. The pretzels themselves are very heavily coated with seasoningmuch more so than the original. The rods are a light brick red, perhaps from the bell pepper and dried tomato seasoning blend. I took a bite. 

Folks, it brings me absolutely no joy to inform you that Dot’s Southwest Style Pretzels are very, very bad. 

The sheer amount of salt and flavoring is overwhelming. Their flavor can best be described as “a salt lick with a tangy yet acrid garlic burn.” Two rods in, I was done. 

But, thinking it was a fluke, I purchased another bag for posterity, only to encounter the same experience. There’s simply too much flavor, with none of the original’s subtle richness to counteract the salt. 

Reader, I can’t stress enough how salty Dot’s Southwest pretzels are. Were we in danger of a nuclear attack, you could shove a few of these down your throat to help protect your thyroid gland

Disclaimer - 1. Don’t try this. 2. The ingredients simply list “Salt” so we can’t be fully sure of Dots’ iodization. 

Because we’re in the midst of a pandemic and I’d hate for these to go to waste, I plan to crush them up and use them as breadcrumbsperhaps on a nice chicken breast, or as a replacement for croutons in a zesty take on a Caesar salad? They’ll get used. Waste not, Dot not! 

What hath Dot wrought?

What hath Dot wrought? Amanda White

I still have only the highest regards for Dot and her successful Midwest pretzel empire; I wish her nothing but success. I’ll just be sticking to the original flavor, and I suggest the same to you.