Minnesota’s Largest Candy Store got a tank to 'catch bad guys'

A perfectly natural response.

A perfectly natural response. Facebook / Minnesota’s Largest Candy Store

The big yellow candy barn just off Highway 169 found itself a target for a robber who’s been cutting his way through Scott County. When this unknown thief stole money from their registers, Minnesota’s Largest Candy Store boldly upped the ante. 

Now, where once there'd been a pumpkin patch, visitors will find a tank perched atop a big ol’ pile of dirt, where it presides over the sweet expanse of childlike whimsy.

It all makes for a jarring picture. Or, to borrow the words of one commenter on the store’s Facebook page, “Well that escalated quickly.”

Protecting that candy by any means necessary.

Protecting that candy by any means necessary. Facebook / Minnesota’s Largest Candy Store

In a post announcing the tank’s arrival, Minnesota’s Largest Candy Store wrote, “First he hit Whoville, then he hit Jim's…” referencing the owners of the store, Jim’s Apple Orchard. “Mr. Grinch stole our cash registers, so now we're beefing up our security! Thank you to Tony at @driveatank for collaborating with us! Were gonna get those bad guys!”

Most were quick to express their condolences and send support in the aftermath of the robbery… But this is also where the questions began. Just how will they “get those bad guys,” and what's a tank got to do with it?

“Does it shoot out pumpkins or candy?” asked a commenter, of the military weapon provided by Kasota-based company Drive A Tank, which offers seven different tank options for consumers’ renting and driving pleasure.

Others were only somewhat more solution-oriented in their line of thinking. “When the burglar(s) are caught, first they should be shot at close range with giant GUMBALLS from the big TANK, and then prosecuted to the full extent of the law,” suggested a would-be candy barn defender.

A third individual expressed disappointment in the post's lack of Seussian wordplay: “I can't be the only one who was let down when there was no rhyme…”

For this, the store had a visual retort at the ready:

A rhyme!

A rhyme!

The stickiest question of all came from someone who wondered, “What’s the Tank going to do? Fire on robbers at night?” Despite a lively comment thread, Minnesota’s Largest Candy Store had no answer to this one, which makes us wonder: Could they be kinda serious? Is that tank… loaded?

Folks, do not rob this candy store (again). Not only would that be so rude… they might just go berserk on your ass.