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Meat It or Beat It challenge at Burger Jones

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Another one from the wonderful world of gross-out food challenges: Burger Jones introduces the 10,000 (!!) calorie "Meat Your Maker":

"LEVEL ONE: A bun, grilled with cheese and bacon. It supports a 7 oz. cheeseburger, chicken fried bacon, chili cheese dog-burger, 7 oz. cheeseburger, and chicken-fried bacon.

LEVEL TWO: Grilled cheese with bacon, a 7 oz. cheeseburger, chicken fried bacon, chili cheese dog-burger, 7 oz. cheeseburger, and chicken-fried bacon.

LEVEL THREE: Grilled cheese with bacon, a fried egg, cooked to order, topped with onion rings and garnished - no, crowned - with Faribault Creamery cheese curds."

Apparently the thing costs $25 (not including medical care, Parasole is quick to point out), but if anyone can finish it within an hour, they'll get a T-shirt and/or $20 gift card. Here's the ridiculous fake waiver contestants are supposed to sign:

A HUMOROUS AND ENTIRELY FAKE RELEASE AND WAIVER OF LIABILITY, ASSUMPTION OF RISK AND IDEMNITY

AGREEMENT IN CONSIDERATION OF CONSUMPTION OF THE "MEAT YOUR MAKER" IN CONSIDERATION of being permitted to compete, observe or participate in any way of the senseless gluttony of the "MEAT YOUR MAKER", each of the undersigned, for himself, his personal representative, heirs, and next of kin:

1. Acknowledges, agrees and represents that he has or will if at any time feels a dangerous distention of the abdomen (known also as 'Burger Bloat' or 'Oh God, It Hurts' Syndrome) he will immediately put the burger down and back slowly away.

2. HEREBY RELEASES, WAIVES, DISCHARGES AND COVENANTS NOT TO SUE the promoters, participants, sanctioning organizations or any subdivision thereof Burger Jones from all liability for ANY KIND OF DAMAGE, AND ANY CLAIM OR DEMANDS THEREFORE ON ACCOUNT OF INJURY TO THE PERSON OR PROPERTY RESULTING IN DEATH OF THE BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. It's your fault, not ours. Don't even act like it's your buddies fault, either.

3. HEREBY RELINQUISHES ANY CLAIM TO any t-shirt, gift card, photo on facebook or other prize upon regurgitation ("MAKING SHAKES", "McBARFING" OR "COUGHING UGLY") while on the property of Burger Jones

4. HEREBY AGREES TO INDEMNIFY AND SAVE AND HOLD HARMLESS and releases each of them FROM ANY LOSS, LIABILITY, DAMAGE OR COST they may incur caused by the NEGLIGENCE OF UNDERSIGNED or otherwise. This includes but is not limited to RIPPED PANTS, POPPED BUTTONS, TORN OR STAINED UNDERGARMENTS, BROKEN FURNITURE OR DOOR FRAMES, DAMAGED CAR UPHOLSTERY, BROKEN BED SPRINGS OR DEAD PETS RELATED TO ELEVATED LEVELS OF METHANE

5. HEREBY ASSUMES FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY RISK OF BODILY INJURY, DEATH OR RELATIONSHIP DAMAGE arising out of or related to the MEAT YOUR MAKER. Includes but is not limited to ELEVATED CHOLESTEROL LEVELS, LAZY EYE, KIDNEY FAILURE, JAUNDICE, RUPTURED COLON, INCONTINENCE, PRIAPISM, PAINFUL BURGER BLASTING (OR "PATTY MELTING"), ACUTE TOURETTE'S SYNDROME, UNCONTROLLABLE PROJECTILE EXPECTORATION ("THE GREASY SPITS") OR PASSIVE LARD SECRETION.

6. HEREBY AGREES THAT A "DUTCH OVEN" IS ESPECIALLY INAPPROPRIATE TONIGHT

7. HEREBY acknowledges that THE ACTIVITY OF EATING THE "MEAT YOUR MAKER" IS VERY DANGEROUS and involves the risk of serious injury and/or death and/or clothing damage to oneself and those nearby. Each of THE UNDERSIGNED, also expressly acknowledges that INJURIES RECEIVED MAY BE COMPOUNDED BY NEGLIGENT RESCUE OPERATIONS, GIGGLING WAITSTAFF, DISMISSIVE BARTENDERS OR GAWKING BYSTANDERS. Hey, no one made you eat that thing. Man up, dude.

8. HEREBY agrees that this Release and Waiver of Liability, Assumption of Risk and Indemnity Agreement extends to all acts of negligence by the Release's, INCLUDING NEGLIGENT RESCUE OPERATIONS and is intended to be as broad and inclusive as is permitted by the laws of Minnesota in which the senseless gluttony of the "MEAT YOUR MAKER" is conducted and that if any portion thereof is held invalid, it is agreed that the balance shall notwithstanding, continue in full legal force and effect.

I HAVE READ AND RELEASE AND WAIVER OF LIABILITY, ASSUMPTION OF RISK AND INDEMNITY AGREEMENT, FULLY UNDERSTAND ITS TERMS, UNDERSTAND THAT I HAVE GIVEN UP SUBSTANTIAL RIGHTS BY SIGNING IT, AND HAVE SIGNED IT FREELY AND VOLUNTARILY WITHOUT ANY INDUCEMENT, ASSURANCE OR GUARANTEE BEING MADE TO ME AND INTEND MY SIGNATURE TO BE A COMPLETE UNCONDITIONAL RELEASE OF ALL LIABILITY TO THE GREATEST EXTENT ALLOWED BY LAW. THIS IS NOT, BY THE WAY, ANY SORT OF BINDING LEGAL DOCUMENT - USE A FAKE NAME IF YOU WANT.