So what's a grape nut?
Arturo Palmerin paused on the boxing line, where he has worked for 18 years. "Whatever," he said. "A lot of things." Then he said, "I have no idea."
"It's bread," Mr. Vargas said, standing beside him.
"Bread?" Mr. Palmerin said.
"Bread," said Mr. Vargas.
Take that, you masochistic health nuts (present company included). It's effing bread. Bread sprayed with vitamins and minerals at that. Bread sprayed with vitamins and minerals built on a history of deception.
That said, even though they're apparently made in a "dirty-white, six-story concrete building with steam rising out of the roof," "look[s] like kidney stone[s]," and have "the mouthfeel of gravel," they still make my morning routine.
The thing about Grape Nuts is you just have to be patient. (Does anyone really eat them right out of the box?) Mix them with some yogurt and set them aside to soften for five minutes while you make coffee and/or drink your morning Mountain Dew or whatever. Come back and you've got a freaking lowbrow parfait. What's not to like?
Whatever you do, don't buy generic Grape Nuts though. The "Nutty Nuggets" or whatever they're called just don't know how to, uh, pulverize bread the way Post does.
Check out this old ad, mentioned in the article:
They fill you up, not out! (Hey where was the FDA in those days?) Apparently, the cereal's latest ad campaign confronts men with various challenging scenarios, with the tagline "Now that takes Grape Nuts!"