Hold on to your office chair there, sister. What we're about to tell you is gonna blast you straight through that drop ceiling.
According to a recent report in Redbook, a Chicago Target store has applied for a liquor license — and not just to sell it off the shelves, but to potentially add a bar to its 24,000-square-foot space.
I'll give you a moment to catch your breath.
You good? Cool.
So you know what this means. No more messing around on Sunday with stopping off to get lit up on mimosas before the sacred weekly event of toilet paper, picture frame, cat onesie, tampon, twinkle light, buffalo chicken potato chip and Mossimo maxi-dress gathering. Now, you can just stay all day!
Naturally, this is just another evil ploy by Target to separate us from all of our money, but fuck it. That tiny elephant teapot trio is a need, not a want. At least it will seem that way after three Patron margs.
No word on whether Minneapolis will get a Tar Bar anytime soon. But you can bet we'll keep you abreast of any tremors in this hard-hitting news story.