Ew: 5 Products from the Fancy Food Trade Show That Should Not Exist

Cheese + vanilla = fancy food?

Cheese + vanilla = fancy food?

Every year people who love to eat and the people who want to feed them converge on the Fancy Food Show, where the good, bad, and ugly in latest food trends converge for the mother of all foodie trade shows.

And because our appetites have grown weary of regular old flavors like Exxxtreme Buffalo Chicken Wang!, food purveyors need to get more creative with each passing year.

Strawberry-waffle chocolate milk, anyone?

See also: Plate or Pass: Bugs

Here are few of the most "interesting" (and yeah we said that with a Minnesota accent) entries from this year's show, held earlier this week in San Francisco:

1. Grilled Bacon Cheeseburger Artisan Cheese by Yancey's Fancy It begs the question how "artisan" (a term that implies natural and hand-made) a product can be if it contains bacon cheeseburger flavor. Do they make a wheel of cheese with a giant cheeseburger embedded within? Nope. It's good old-fashioned pasteurized, processed cheese. And if burgers aren't your thing, maybe have your wine and eat it too with their Strawberry Chardonnay flavor. We wish we were kidding.

2. Cinnamon Toast HiCaf Tea by Republic of Tea Hey, if you're down with the image of being a healthy, grounded, Zenlike tea drinker, but you think tea tastes like bong water, then Republic of Tea to the rescue. Get your mouthful of Cinnamon Toast Crunch along with "A Better Buzz" thanks to green tea extract and pure caffeine isolated from premium tea leaves, all in one fell swoop.

3. Enlighten Hemp Milk with Blue-Green Algae and Vanilla by Daily Greens If you've gone your whole life thinking your tall, icy glass of regular old milk would be a fuck of a lot more delicious if you could only infuse it with some blue-green algae, wish no more. This algae is "harvested with love" (thank God, because hate isn't tasty) from beautiful Lake Klamath in Oregon and purportedly contains 65 vitamins, minerals, amino acids, and essential fatty acids, and is particularly high in the mood-elevating vitamin B1.

Oh, and no cow's milk here. This is extracted from hemp seeds only, so if if it tastes like tea, don't blame us.

4. Vanilla Bean Cheddar Cheese from Herber Valley Artisan Cheese This an actual real cheese from an actual Utah creamery. They've just rubbed it with a vanilla bean. Want to save yourself $8 plus shipping? DIY and get rubbing.

5. Savory Bacon Coconut Chips from Dang Foods You know what's delicious? Bacon. You know what isn't? Coconut. So sprinkle some bacon on that shit and eat up!

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