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Could McDonald's Phase Out the Big Mac? Over Our Cold, Dead Bodies

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Seems these days folks are as willing to swallow news about the demise of fast food behemoths as they were willing to consume squicky food for the past two generations.

Once upon a time it was as American as General Motors, Phillip Morris, and Norman Rockwell to hop in the Caddie, fire up a heater, and grab a big old burger with fries in a sac, horking them down while cruising down the interstate.

But the golden arches are reporting downward sales and taking heed of the dent in their golden pocketbook, trying desperately to convince the American public that their food isn't really as shitty as it is.

See also: Big Mac snack wrap descends on the Twin Cities

Many of us who are over the age of 30 grew up on Mickey D's (and less the slightly less beloved BK).

But finally we're starting to get it that a side order of diabetes and some super-sized animal abuse isn't all that appetizing. Fast casual chains like Chipotle and Shake Shack are proving that people are still willing to show up in droves for a better, healthier alternative, and pay up to double the price for it.

There's something that doesn't feel right about a $3 burger.

Which is why, when the satirical site Daily Buzz Live published the fake news that the Big Mac was no more, it was easy news to digest.

Then again, this is America, land of excess, land of fat, land of meats.

Get real. The Big Mac isn't going anywhere in a culture where this happily exists.

The more we know, the more we like to thumb our noses at it.

We enjoy the freedom to kill ourselves slowly if we feel like it.

'Merica, man.

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