Attention shoppers: Blue Diamond almond milk tainted by 'an allergen'... called milk

How did Blue Diamond get cow's milk into almond milk? It's... a milk-stery.

How did Blue Diamond get cow's milk into almond milk? It's... a milk-stery. Mike Mozart/Flickr

Of all the things that might accidentally make its way into your almond milk—shards of almond, bits of cardboard, some tiny bit of a plant worker's body—milk comes way down the list.

Milk. As in, milk milk, cow's milk, as in moo.

And yet.

The people at Blue Diamond announced yesterday that half-gallon cartons of its "Almond Breeze" milk, specifically the vanilla-flavored variety, are being recalled "because the product may contain milk, an allergen not listed on the label." 

No kidding it's not! This is dairy milk, the very liquid foodstuff that spawned so many digestive, dietary, and ethical aversions among consumers that eventually some lunatic picked up a bone-dry almond and thought, "Let us milk this instead." 

Blue Diamond says it's sold more than 145,000 of these cow-tainted cartons in some 27 states, including Minnesota, Wisconsin, and Iowa. (Almond milk is banned in North and South Dakota, under penalty of death.) 

If you've got an Almond Breeze vanilla container in your fridge, check if its use-by date is September 2, and that it has the barcode number of "41570 05621." If so? You got some milk in your non-milk, and are invited to take it back to the store where you purchased it for an exchange or a refund. You can also fill out a web form at Blue Diamond's website.

The company observes that this recall represents less than 1 percent of its annual almond milk deliveries, and that it's "safe to consume unless you have a milk allergy or sensitivity." 

We await an explanation from Blue Diamond about how it accidentally mixed the product people are trying to avoid into the product sold to replace it. Expect a statement soon, which should be safe to consume unless you have a bullshit allergy or sensitivity.