On a recent afternoon (it was either two days or three weeks ago—what is time anymore?), City Pages staffers were remarking on their totally normal social distancing meals (pretzels dipped in Frank's Red Hot, seven straight days of scrambled eggs).
Expressing those not at all shameful facts to each other made us wonder: Has everyone else's eating careened into chaos?
You've seen the tweets. Lots of people out there are getting really into cooking or baking or forming some sort of emotional bond with their sourdough starter during isolation times. That's great! That's great. We're so happy for you.
As for the rest of us, well...
We've noticed lots of sad sandwiches and a higher than usual number of midday hot dogs. Foods that are decidedly not dips being used as dips, and dips being used as soups after the chips ran out. Enough cheese to maybe save the U.S. dairy industry. A few truly innovative uses for bananas.
And you know what? A lot of it sounds pretty good, if not technically good for you.
Here are 19 of our... "favorites."
Three martinis with a cookie dough snit.— Stephanie March (@stephmarch) April 3, 2020
Just threw a banana in a bowl and some peanut butter on too and drizzled a little honey jizz on top and said fuckall with it— Zachary Zalman Green (@zatchkerouac) March 26, 2020
I ate a cold steak off my fork like it was corn on the cob— Dutch Smith (@SigurRay) April 6, 2020
entire party platter tray of taco dip to myself, at one point just eating the dip with a spoon and no chips— Helen of desTroy �� (@horshes) April 3, 2020
When the chips are too small to dip pic.twitter.com/rUjmDKoh5X— Edna Faust (@Risley_Bear) April 6, 2020
I put a whole, not sliced up banana on a tortilla smeared in peanut butter. A peanut butter bananarito.— Chrissy Kites (@ChrissyKites) April 4, 2020
Mustard and a leaf of romaine lettuce on half a piece of pita for sure— Chelsea Zona (@zhelseacona) March 26, 2020
Two beef patties + condiments pic.twitter.com/8BERuDLb21— Edna Faust (@Risley_Bear) April 6, 2020.
I had a cheesy hot dog and some Cinnamon Toast Crunch once. Just ate an adult lunchable today.— Becky Lang (@leckybang) March 26, 2020
Microwave hot dog. I’m doing better now— �� yung duderonomy �� (@BicycleThing) March 26, 2020
half loaf of seeded bread (from kieran's kitchen) and three-quarters of a block of pepperjack cheese (crystal farms!), eaten by slicing piece after alternating piece with the same knife and eaten immediately right off the cutting board because who needs plates now— Mike Mullen (@mikemullen_) April 6, 2020
I dipped pizza in mustard and it wasn’t bad.— kate (@katetweeets) March 26, 2020
Saltine crackers in queso blanco dip because I was out of chips— nannou (@boredwitch_) April 3, 2020
oh actually I did put hot sauce on popcorn and ate it with a spoon to avoid saucy hands— Jesse (@JesseWiza) April 3, 2020
One— Hannah Jones (@reporterjones) March 26, 2020
instant Mac n cheese followed by a side of 4 pickles— trista (@tristamariemcg) March 26, 2020
drinking whiskey coke through a Twizzler straw— ☺︎♌︎ (@jbren_) April 3, 2020
It’s not upsetting to me since it’s a personal comfort meal but dipping Ranch Doritos in Spaghettio’s with meatballs (meatballs eaten first before scooping commences). Others, however, may be upset by this. pic.twitter.com/u7Z7T54kje— Katie ������✨ (@Aprl24KT) April 3, 2020
I had a slice of bread toasted in the broiler with mayo and crumbled cheese - I didn't bother to slice it I just pawed it off the block— amanda (@amanduhwhite) April 3, 2020