What's wrong with Wisconsin?

We try to give Wisconsin as much credit as we can, but there's not a lot to work with. From our standpoint (we only hear about the state through Associated Press reports of course), Wisconsin is anything but normal or hip and instead seems to be a gigantic hand-shaped mass of weirdos, freaks, murderers and alcoholics. Look for our running feature of all that makes our neighbors to the east so horrifying. Just keep these types out of our precious state. Oh, and keep taking all of our trash too.

These stories are all so terrible, they speak for themselves:

The SOBs couldn't sleep, ya hear? FOND DU LAC, Wis. — A father who bought a beer for his 4-year-old son at the Fond du Lac County Fair and shared it with the boy's 2-year-old sibling was cited after becoming belligerent when he was approached by police. A woman working at a beer tent on July 19 told an officer she thought the 38-year-old man was joking when he asked for two beers — one for him and another for his 4-year-old son. When he was questioned by an officer, he told him it's legal for underage children to drink in Wisconsin, as long as they are with their parents. The officer countered that the boys were not old enough to know what they were drinking.

Suspected drunken driver thanks officers for pulling him over — for the fifth time PLYMOUTH, Wis. — Instead of having a hostile reaction, a driver offered his thanks when officers pulled him over on suspicion of drunken driving for a fifth time. A criminal complaint quotes 52-year-old David Hyland of Plymouth as saying, "Thank you very much for everything you've done for me" after he was stopped early Friday. "I shouldn't have been driving and deserve to get caught."

Murder someone for an Xbox? Uh.. KENOSHA, Wis. — Two boys, one 15 and the other 14, are blaming each other for the fatal beating of a woman during a burglary that police say netted them an Xbox computer game and other items. Roddee Daniel, 15, and Kawanis Trotter, 14, are charged as adults with first-degree intentional homicide and armed burglary.

Burglar gets 6 years for stealing $20 from toddler's piggy bank SHEBOYGAN, Wis. — A man has been convicted of sneaking into a 2-year-old girl's bedroom and stealing $20 from a piggy bank while she slept and was sentenced to six years in prison. Four-time convicted burglar Ryan Mueller, 31 was convicted Thursday after a two-day jury trial of felony burglary as a repeat offender. The girl's mother, Julie Herschleb, walked into the room as Mueller shook money from the bank. She told Judge L. Edward Stengel the burglary left her fearful and sleepless.

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