Donald Trump had been speaking to the people of Minnesota for about a minute before he started lying.
First, he did the crucially important and highly presidential work of whining about the venue, trashing whoever had organized his own campaign event. The space he'd been given -- the prestigious Sun Country Airlines hangar -- wasn't nearly big enough to hold the "thousands and thousands" of people waiting elsewhere, unable to get in to see their candidate.
"That's what we deal with in life," Trump said, oozing sarcasm. "Real geniuses."
Then he got to the more important matter of trashing his opponent -- "she'd be a lousy president, anyway" -- and lying to his voters.
"It's great to be back in Minnesota today," Trump said. "So important for me to come and campaign for your vote. I've been here many times before, as you know."
Once. He's been here once. For a few hours, and for a private fundraiser.
"And Hillary [Clinton] doesn't even, I mean, she doesn't even bother to come here," Trump said, as the crowd booed the Democratic nominee's name. "She should be penalized."
LOCK HER UP!
"Don't vote for her."
OH, RIGHT, ALSO THAT.
Trump went on to say his pitch was to all Minnesotans: black people, union workers, college students -- anyone who's "tired of a government that works for Wall Street and the special interests, but not for the people."
Fittingly, as Trump said this, a gas truck filled with airplane fuel -- literally representing the moment of collusion between two massively profitable "special interest" industries -- drove into the frame right behind Trump.
"Not for the people," he said again, evidently scaring the gas truck back out of the frame.
Trump said he was "very proud" to have won the mock vote Minnesota staged with its high school students.
"You know," he said, "that thing was all over the nation."
Yes, Don, because people were making fun of it. And you.
"A couple weeks ago I kept hearing, everybody's telling me, 'Did you hear, you won the high school vote in Minnesota?' I said, 'No, tell me about it.'"
"Weellll, the kids know better than we do, right? Often times."
Trump went on to say he got into this race for patriotic and anti-Satan reasons.
"I love this country, and I saw what was happening. Not only the wrong direction: Our country was going to hell. It was going to hell."
...he said, speaking two months after the best economic report for American household income since at least 1967.
"The Iran deal. So many things.You can go over them one by one. And we'll discuss some of them right now."
Ready when you are.
Trump slammed the critics who questioned why he was even coming to Minnesota, a reliably blue presidential state for four-plus decades.
"So far, they've been wrong, I've been right. They've been saying, 'I can't believe he's going to Minneso'-- you know, real geniuses."
These the same jerks who put you in the little airplane hangar?
"I love Minnesota," Trump said. "The reason I'm here, is because I've been here--"
"--I know what's going to happen."
(And it made you psychic?)
"I know what's going to happen. In two days, we are going to win the great state of Minnesota, and we are going to win back the White House."
And what would you like to do with it? A couple minutes later, Trump gave the folks a good idea.
"Hillary Clinton will be under investigation for a long, long time, for her many crimes against our nation, our people, our democracy, likely concluding in a criminal trial."
Crowd response: "Lock her up! Lock her up!"
Trump response: (Drinks it in, smiles, shakes his head, does that pouty thing with his mouth.)
The nominee then talked about the economy for a few minutes, and his plan to "bring back jobs" that America's lost to other countries. Countries like China, where Trump likes to buy his steel.
Speaking of other countries...
"To be a rich nation, we must also be a safe nation. And you know what's going on there. Oh, Minnesota. Awww, Minnesota, you know what's going on. You know what I'm talking about. Do you know what I'm talking about? Oh, be politically correct. Just nod. Quietly nod. The whole world knows what's happening in Minnesota. The whole world knows what's happening to you. Hillary wants a 550 percent increase in Syrian refugees"-- (Crowd: "BOOOOOOOO!") --"pouring into our country. And she wants virutally unlimited immigration and refugee admissions, from the most dangerous regions of the world, to come into our country, and to come into Minnesota, and you know it better than anybody. Her plan will import generations of terrorism and radicalism into your schools and throughout your communities. You already have it! When I'm president, we will suspend the Syrian refugee program and will keep radical Islamic terrorists the hell out of our country!"
Crowd: "USA! USA!"
Trump kept it more local: "Everybody's reading about the disaster that's taking place in Minnesota. Everybody's reading about it. You don't even have the right to talk about it. You don't even know who's coming in. You have no idea. You'll find out. You'll find out."
That was the moment when a major party presidential candidate told his own voters they 1) do not know what's coming, though he does, and 2) it doesn't matter because they will be dead.
"You've seen the recent terrorist knife attack in St. Cloud. A Trump administration will not admit any refugees without the support of the local community where they are being placed!"
Fine then. Send them to the Twin Cities. We're cool with it. Why, just yesterday we allowed entry of a known refugee from the truth who keeps threatening American citizens with death, disasters, and a trip to hell.
"The least they could do for you. You've suffered enough in Minnesota."
Know what? We have. And this was only 19 minutes into the speech, a little less than halfway. Watch the rest below.
Or just go vote.
More from News