The "rooms & shares" section of Craigslist is chocked full of offerings.
Many are repeats, as people eager to find a roommate (and cut their rent) repost the same listing every couple days to keep it near the top of the list.
You'll want to do something to make yours stand out. Like telling someone you're "LOOKING FOR A ROOMMATE FOR THE END OF THE WORLD."
This was the approach of one recent Craigslist user, whose apartment listing is truly unique. For starters, she (we think it's a she) does not want a roommate, and makes this very explicit. This offer is being made out of necessity. If she could afford her rent, she wouldn't be looking for someone to move in.
And that would be a tragedy, because you, reader, would be deprived of reading this wonderful listing. Because THE WHOLE THING IS IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS it feels a little like getting yelled at. And because it's from this particular writer, it feels like you're getting yelled at by someone who's a little nutty.
The lister admits she is "not an easy person to live with." But the place sells itself: "adorable," in a "super central" location, and pet friendly. She herself is very pet friendly: She has a dog, and says her ideal roommate "loves fucking dogs." (Let's give her the benefit of the doubt, and assume that phrase just means you fucking love dogs, and not, you know...)
ANYWAY the entire description is a trip to read. And it was posted five whole days ago, which means it might not even be available anymore. In fact, count on it. Anyone with $440, a desire to live in Uptown, and a willingness to look past a few quirks -- "I will maybe show you how to make gravy from scratch" was, we admit, an unexpected turn -- will read this and come to one conclusion: "I WANT TO LIVE WITH THIS PERSON."
Read the whole thing below.
SO RIGHT OFF THE BAT, I'D PREFER TO LIVE ALONE. AS I'M SURE YOU WOULD PROBABLY TOO UNLESS YOU LIVED WITH ALL YOUR BEST FRIENDS IN A UTOPIAN COMMUNE.
I'M AFRAID I CAN'T AFFORD MY DAMN RENT, BUT I'M SEEKING A UTOPIAN COMMUNE, OR AS CLOSE TO IT WITHOUT GETTING WEIRD, AS POSSIBLE. I LOVE WHERE I LIVE. IT'S SUPER CENTRAL, IT'S ADORABLE, AND THE UPSTAIRS NEIGHBORS ARE DEAR FRIENDS.
I'M NOT AN EASY PERSON TO LIVE WITH. I NEED SOMEONE WHO'S FUNNY, TRUSTWORTHY, HAS INTEGRITY, PAYS THEIR SHIT ON TIME, OPEN MINDED, LOVES TO EAT, COOK, DRINK (HELPFUL BUT NO FALL DOWN DRUNKS OR TEA TOTALLERS), IS CLEAN, ORGANIZED, LOVES FUCKING DOGS. IF YOU'RE AWESOME AND HAVE A DOG, LMK. WE MIGHT BE ABLE TO WORK SOMETHING OUT.
NO DRAMA, EVA.
I'M 48, SO IF THAT FREAKS YOU OUT, YOU DO YOU. THE WORST THING ABOUT ME IS THAT I WILL MAYBE SHOW YOU HOW TO MAKE GRAVY FROM SCRATCH OR WILL SAY NO TO YOUR OFFER OF MOLLY. I MIGHT SAY YES TOO.
I HAVE A DOG, AND SHE'S MY KID. YOU HAVE TO LOVE DOGS. SHE HAS TO LOVE YOU. IF YOU HAVE A GREAT DOG, IT CAN LIVE HERE TOO. THE YARD IS AMAZING AND COMPLETELY FENCED.
YOU WILL NEED TO PASS A BACKGROUND CHECK.
MY NEIGHBORS WILL HAVE TO INTERVIEW YOU TOO.
I TOOK SOME VERY PAINSTAKING PICTURES BUT I'M A PC BITCH AND ON THE NEIGHBORS MAC, SO POSTING PICTURES RIGHT NOW IS OUT OF MY IDEAL USE OF TIME.
IF THE ABOVE SOUNDS ALRIGHT WITH YOU, PLEASE EMAIL WITH A BRIEF INTRODUCTION OF WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU DO AS WELL AS YOUR PHONE NUMBER AND I'LL CALL YOU BACK.
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