Walter Mondale and Christmas past
CP sure feels like an angry grandpa writing this, but nothing--aside from Marmaduke burying the remote in the backyard again--gets us AARPissed than folks who leave their Christmas wreaths up past the holiday season.
(For those who don't know the length of the Christmas holiday season, it ends on New Year's Day. At the worst, it can continue through Groundhog Day. But not a day later. And yes, CP is well aware the real day Jesus came into the world was sometime in March. But CP is also familiar with the dominant religion of our culture appropriating the holidays of other religions. We learned that last weekend, when we canceled a date with a hottie and sat alone in our bed reading Dan Brown. So there. Until the Catholics decide to move the date. December it is)
So take down your god-damn Christmas wreaths.
That means you house-that-Walter-Mondale-possibly-still-inhabits.
Also, friends, please know that in no way are we encouraging folks to take down their Christmas lights. This is a totally different decorative feature. CP fully supports holiday lights. It uplifts our senses with its super haze of colorful cheer.
But back to the house-that-Walter-Mondale-possibly-still-inhabits. Your wreath is annoying and gaudy. Its red velvet bow is too big for the modest abode. Yet somehow the colors remain vibrant. We even touched the wreath, when we unsuccessfully knocked on your door to no answer. It felt plush. It made us jealous.
Yes, you were the 42nd Vice President of the United States, but you don't need to show off your awesomeness. Even if you don't live there.
Take down the wreath. Do it for America.
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss City Pages' biggest stories.
- Black Lives Matter marches on the Fair with heavy police escort, few hecklers
Sat., Sep. 19, 12:00am
Sat., Sep. 19, 7:00pm
Sun., Sep. 20, 12:00pm
Sat., Sep. 26, 2:30pm
- Vester Lee Flanagan could have just as easily bought a gun in Minnesota
- A terrible Minneapolis park deal just got $2 million worse