The vehicle you're looking at here is described as a "van" more than once in a Craigslist posting that appeared last week.
Why the current owner chose this word is unclear. This is not a van. Nor is it merely a "1986 Ford Econoline with a 460 engine." This is an ambulance.
An ambulance painted in honor of the Minnesota Vikings, with the horn logo, a "SKOL VIKES" detail on the passenger side door, and "BERSERKERS" written on both the hood and the back doors.
By back doors, we refer to the two tall doors at the vehicle's rear, which will open up all the way, big enough to easily put in tailgating furniture or, say, someone who is laid out on a stretcher and needs immediate medical attention.
Billed as the "Vikings Van Ultimate Tailgating Vehicle," this bad boy is selling for $3,799 (if no one's snatched 'er up yet!) from an owner in North St. Paul.
"Be the number one Viking's [sic] fan this season," reads the ad. "Show your purple pride and take tailgating to the next level as you cheer your favorite team on at the new stadium!"
And should anyone drink six too many keg beers, or keel over after an undercooked brat, you will have the absolutely perfect vehicle to rush that tailgater to HCMC's emergency room!
The fact that this van, with emergency warning lights on the front cab and a "tap for a keg" built into the back, exists seems to symbolize ... something. It's hard to pinpoint. Maybe the vehicle portends bad luck for the Minnesota Vikings themselves, who almost always feel like they need saving. Or it could be that the Vikings are the savers, the ones who rescue Minnesotans from long, icy winters, by giving them something else to complain about besides the weather.
No, wait. This is it. This "van" (ambulance) is the rescuer. And it's here to save the tailgating career of whoever has $3,800 and absolutely no shame.