Utah man on MSP flight says he's not a perv, he just got peppermint oil on his junk
The FBI Joint Terrorism Task Force is investigating a Utah man for whipping it out during a flight last November from MSP to Salt Lake City. (Shouldn't they be after Al-Qaeda or something?)
The man, 48-year-old Stuart Clarke, was on the second leg of a flight from Amsterdam back to Utah when the incident occurred. He doesn't dispute that his penis saw the light of the aircraft's cabin. But questioned about what happened by a member of the FBI Task Force two days later, he offered up a classic explanation for why he let it hang out.
According to an FBI search warrant application filed earlier this week, Clarke told the FBI he had a headache in Amsterdam and "decided to rub 'peppermint oil' on his forehead" in hopes it might bring relief.
Once the plane was up in the air, Clarke had to pee, and in the airport lavatory, disaster struck -- he accidentally got some of the oil he'd put on his forehead on his Johnson.
But it only became problematic hours later, after the second leg of Clarke's journey departed from MSP. We'll let the Smoking Gun tell the story from there:
As Clarke tells it, he apparently was on the final leg of his journey home when he began suffering from an irritated crotch. Clarke--who recalled that he was seated with a coat over himself to keep warm--told [an FBI agent] that he "began 'scratching and adjusting' his groin area due to being uncomfortable from the peppermint oil." When the cop asked why he did not go to the bathroom to "fix the problem," Clarke replied that it "would not have made it better," adding that "water makes it worse."
Seeking further relief, Clarke then unfastened two buttons on his button fly pants, placed his right hand inside his underwear, and, as he told [the FBI], "removed his penis from the inside of his pants." It was after this final adjustment that Clarke's female row mate noticed his unencumbered unit.
Suspicions were further, um, aroused when Clarke bolted from the Salt Lake City airport immediately after his flight landed without even picking up his checked luggage. The FBI seized his bags as part of their investigation, and sure enough, inside them they found oils like the one Clarke says he inadvertently got on his junk.
But the FBI apparently doesn't buy that an oil applied over Europe would cause so much discomfort during a subsequent flight cruising over the middle of America.
"The warrant alleges that there is probable cause to show that the oils will provide evidence of a misdemeanor crime committed on the aircraft," the Daily Mail reports.
-- Follow Aaron Rupar on Twitter at @atrupar. Got a tip? Drop him a line at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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