University of Minnesota freshmen: Now smarter than ever!
Down about the economy, unemployment, the rise of Asian commerce, the rapid growth in income inequality? Do not fear for the future of the American dream: The University of Minnesota just welcomed the smartest freshman class it's ever had.
The rest of us can just sit back and wait for them to graduate and fix all of this.
Well, okay, they might not technically be the "smartest" ever, but they're certainly the best test takers to ever put on yellow shirts, gather in packs of 20 or more, and march down 15th Avenue like they own the place.
Actually, these kids probably aren't making that hike, which U of M grads know leads to house parties hosted by upperclassmen. Based on their ACT scores, these kids are probably stuck inside their dorm rooms every Friday night, where they're, like, reading or something.
In order to get the No. 1 all-time class ranking, these kids combined for an average ACT score of 27.5, which is only a slight tick up from last year's 27.2, but still a new record, according to the U's press release.
Both of those scores are significantly better than the 25.2 average of the class of 2006, most of which are probably still around campus, either as super-seniors reluctant to enter a vacant economy or street-bound beggers, who are now the dominant force in said vacant economy.
In order to put together this year's brainiac class, the U took 39,721 applications, and picked the 5,386 with best grades and tests scores. (Bonus points if you can dunk a basketball.) Of those accepted, 166 are National Merit Scholars, the biggest such number of any school in the Big Ten, and a big upgrade over the 101 National Merit Scholars the U accepted in 2010.
Across the entire university system, the U magically found a bunch of openings, bringing the total enrollment to 69,221, up from around 68,000 last year.
Because, you know, if you bring in good test takers, who cares how many of them you jam in a classroom with only a teacher's assistant? They'll be fine.
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