Two teens nab $250,000 from grandfather to revive economy


Two Minnesota teens stole a cool quarter million dollars from one of the duo's grandfather... on Christmas Day. The chunk of cash was uncovered in grandpappy's safe. During the next two days, the thiefs frittered away the bulk of the booty on a wide array of goodies. "Consumable goods," if you will.

From the PiPress:

The men -- ages 18 and 19 -- allegedly handed out $100 bills to their buddies. In a two-day shopping spree, authorities said, they bought at least six cars and trucks: from a $14,000 Ford F-350 pickup to a $1,200 Ford Focus. They reportedly spent two days in a hotel near the Mall of America and packed their room with the spoils of after-Christmas sales: clothes, shoes, a laptop computer and other electronics, including a flat-screen television.

We have to hand it to these young chaps. Sure theft is unethical. But if the past four months of government bailouts have taught us anything, it's that robbing Peter to pay Paul is wholly justified if it's done to perpetuate the unbridled consumerism on which our debt-addled economy depends. (And hey! Notice how they bought Fords?) 

Their grandfather obviously wasn't going to spend the dough--not at that rate, anyway--and so, based on the panicked economic principles we've come to embrace, did not deserve to keep it. If we apply the same moral standards to individuals as we've come to apply to government, these lootin' dudes should not only be spared from prison-- they should be appointed to positions within the U.S. Treasury and Federal Reserve.

Hank Paulson and Ben Bernanke: say hello to your new proteges.