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Twitter user who wants to sodomize Michele Bachmann can't remain anonymous

A man who proclaimed his desire on Twitter to sodomize Michele Bachmann with a machete will have his identity revealed to federal investigators, a U.S. District Court judge in Washington, D.C., has ruled.

The man -- who for now remains anonymous in public court filings, and is referred to in Chief Judge Royce Lamberth's ruling as "Mr. X" -- wrote a tweet in August 2011 stating, "I want to fuck Michelle [sic] Bachmann in the ass with a Vietnam era machete."

Arguing that the tweet was clearly meant in jest, Mr. X filed a motion to quash a subpoena filed by a federal grand jury against Twitter for records pertaining to his identity. Lamberth, however, denied the motion, reasoning that Mr. X's identity could help prosecutors determine whether the tweet really constituted a threat against Bachmann.

The judge wrote: "What Mr. X is describing is the forcible insertion of an extremely sharp, real-world weapon into Ms. Bachmann's rectum, which, if performed, would undoubtedly cause serious bodily injury -- and likely death."

Lamberth pulled no punches in his lively order, a good deal of which was devoted to castigating Mr. X's Twitter feed. Wrote the judge:

Mr. X's body of tweets is extremely crude and in almost incomprehensibly poor taste. Occasionally political but consistently vacuous, his oeuvre represents an infantile attempt at humor that brings to mind the most obscene aspects of Andrew Dice Clay, but without even the infinitesimal modicum of artistic creativity that Mr. Clay managed to possess. The page is entirely without merit, comedic or otherwise. More offensive even than Mr. X's chosen vocabulary is the pathetic transparency and vapidity of his attempt to elicit the attention on the Internet that he surely lacks in real life.

Among some of Mr. X's greatest hits of "extremely crude" tweets:

Goddamn I smacked my wife with my Dick ... Now she has a cock shaped bruise on her face... Take that take that take that

Marcus Bachmann is sponsoring a scavenger hunt in his home-town In the hopes someone finds his Heterosexuality

My dick testified in court today in the case against my left hand "He beat me, your honor every day for 25 years"

Though Lamberth noted that he has "grave doubts about the likelihood of a grand jury returning an indictment in this case," he wrote that his skepticism was outweighed by the fact that "the safety and security of those who seriously aspire to the federal government's highest office is of paramount concern to each and every citizen because threats to Presidential candidates undermine the very legitimacy of our electoral process."

In the end, however, the judge concluded that "there appears to me nothing serious whatsoever about Mr. X's Twitter page, except perhaps the severity of mental depravity that would lead a person to produce such posts."

-- SF Weekly contributed to this report.


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