And the Academy Award for Best Live Action Short Film goes to...
Something other than this batshit crazy paintball video starring Jalen Myfield, we can safely say.
As of yesterday morning, Myfield, a 6-5, 250 pound offensive tackle was a top prospect in the University of Minnesota's incoming class of recruits.
As of yesterday afternoon, Myfield has dropped the Gophers, and is headed to the University of Michigan. If he wants to go play for Jim Harbaugh -- one of few college coaches who are visibly crazier than Minnesota's visibly crazy new hire, P.J. Fleck -- that's up to him. Myfield will be closer to his hometown of Grand Rapids, and probably closer to competing for a national championship.
But did he have to make the announcement this way? With a two-minute, 21 second video of him gunning down guys with a paintball gun like a cinematic anti-hero, set to a soundtrack of shitty trap music?
To add insult to injury, Minnesota (represented here by a guy wearing a Gophers zip-up) is the first "victim" of Myfield's paintball killin' spree. This, Myfield accomplishes with a drive-by through the window of a still-moving, totally-tricked-out Jeep. Very tasteful.
Later, Myfield notices the University of Iowa has... apparently kidnapped a young woman? Is this a common problem in Iowa City? Does the FBI know? Anyway, TAKE THAT, HAWKEYES!
At the end, Myfield (accompanied by the woman he rescued from the University of Iowa) says "After a long-fought battle, I have decided to..." -- smash-cut to flashes of TCF Bank Stadium, Wisconsin players, Michigan State insignia, the Iowa predator -- "...go blue."
Myfield reveals he's wearing a University of Michigan shirt. But by this point, who even cares?
He's all yours, Michigan. We hear young Jalen is pretty good at football, and have recently learned he's only so-so with public announcements. See if you can get him enrolled in some classes about cinematography.
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- The New York Post has a steaming hot take on the 'witch hunt' against U of M football
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- New Minnesota football coach P.J. Fleck appears to be a crazy person [VIDEO]
- University of Wisconsin's Twitter probably hacked, definitely hilarious
- Luke McAvoy, ex-Minnesota football player, comes out in powerful essay