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Top Five ways Tim Pawlenty is just like Donald Trump

Pawlenty and Trump: Not so different.
Pawlenty and Trump: Not so different.

Tim Pawlenty has struggled to get attention for his presidential run with action movie promos and appearances with Jon Stewart.

Meanwhile, Donald Trump merely pretends to run and is the talk of CNN. T-Paw just can't win!

Perhaps the solution is for The Tim to point out all the ways that he's just like The Donald.

Here's five to get him started.

Both have really bitchin' hairdos.

Sure, to look at Tim Pawlenty now, you'd think he selected his haircut from the Boring White Guy Collection, but it wasn't always so.

Back when he was just the humble governor of Minnesota, T-Paw sported a spectacular salad. Equally at home at the Republican National Convention or a Monster Truck Rally, Pawlenty's mullet was the envy of the State of Hockey.

Then he decided to run for president. T-Paw hacked off the mud flaps, and like Samson, instantly became much less interesting.

Now that Trump's helmet hair is all over CNN, Pawlenty might consider bringing back the Party in the Back. But this time, we'd suggest combing it forward into bangs.

Pawlenty and Trump are totally down with God.

If God doesn't make Trump prez, He's fired!
If God doesn't make Trump prez, He's fired!

Tim Pawlenty grew up Catholic in South St. Paul and was born again as a Baptist, but here in Minnesota he didn't make a big deal out of it. An anti-abortion vote here, an anti-gay marriage vote there, yet the man was hardly a bible-thumper. That's all changed now that he's running for president and telling the religious right he's one of them.

Trump, meanwhile, grew up Presbyterian in New York City, began worshiping piles of cash in college, and now that he's sort-of running for president, he thinks that "religion is a wonderful thing. I think my religion is a wonderful religion" -- no doubt because it's his religion. People shower him with bibles, he says. And he goes to church regularly--every Christmas, every Easter, and, well, "I'll go when I can."

Judging by the polls, Republicans prefer The Donald's brand of worship.

 

Trump and Pawlenty are both bad at pretending to not run for president.

There can be only one.
There can be only one.

Why is it that everyone seemed to know Pawlenty was running for president two years before he even launched an exploratory committee?

The answer is pretty simple: The dude is a really bad liar, and he has the Iowa Days Inn receipts to prove it.

But Trump might actually have him beat. In a recent interview, Trump said he wasn't running for president, despite his anti-Obama rhetoric. He is strongly considering a White House bid, however, and he promises to let us know as soon as he's done with Celebrity Apprentice. It's good to have priorities.

Both these guys know the value of having some choice eye-candy.

Mary Pawlenty would make a smokin' hot First Lady.
Mary Pawlenty would make a smokin' hot First Lady.

Women may be half of the electorate, but Trump and Pawlenty know they're something even more important than that: the ultimate status symbol for men.

Put your sexy woman on display, and it changes how people look at you. Men respect your prowess. Women subconsciously wish they were the one being objectified by such a powerful man.

How do we know Trump is a winner? Because even though he looks like a wincing pig with hair like moldy hay, he still beds Czech ski-bunnies, B-movie starlets, and Slovenian models.

Pawlenty's style isn't quite as flashy as the Donald's, but he still wants you to know he has "red-hot smoking wife."

Two alpha males for sure.

Both can move Americans from their nightstands.

Battle of the books
Battle of the books

Pawlenty and Trump both know how to ghost-write books about themselves.

Step 1: pick a title from a quick perusal of AllPoster.com's motivational section. Nevermind that in Courage to Stand Pawlenty didn't stand against anything, or that Think Like a Champion hardly describes a champion. The point is you could yell it out courtside!

Second is the appropriate glamour shot--hair tousled within an inch of its tenuous life, shoulders back, chest out, and a mixed look of both fatherly concern and total kickassery.

It's a look that says, "You don't need to actually read me. Just know that I've got this."


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