Welcome to this week's episode of Top 5 Hate Mails of the Week. ("A taut, edge-of-your-seat drama!" raves the Hollywood Reporter.)
In this installment, our readers deliver a vibrant bouquet of insults featuring, but not limited to, racism, tastelessness, commies, and regretfully visual forms of bodily excretion.
Writer Jay Boller covered the petition launched by Brace Beldon of San Francisco, who's asking President Obama for his assistance in getting the famed radio show canceled. Beldon reasons that the show is an "abomination" and that host Garrison Keillor is the "demon king." But reader Erica Johnson believes we should be sentenced to the cages for eternal disrepute for writing about such blaspheme:
"Shame on City Pages for publishing this nasty piece. Garrison Keillor is a national treasure. If you don't like the show, fine, don't listen. But this hateful, denigrating tirade is tasteless. Boo!
Reader Matt Clark agrees, asserting that we should stick to what we normally suck at and not attempt new, more interesting forms of sucking:
"Lake Wobegon tales! A glance back at simpler times. Eff the "Shitty Pages." Stick to crap art reviews, craft beer, local music and happy ending massage. You aren't very good at that stuff either, but at least you are known for it."
In an exacting scientific treatise, critic Chris Parker discovers that rock has been killed by artisanal beard-farmers who've taken up the banjo. But reader Stephen Noel says that's racist — in a preschool television kind of way:
"No, rock is not dead. There are still plenty of great original bands in Minnesota that play original music. I wish they'd replace these hate-inducing, racist, ax-to-grind columnists that do nothing but write articles that are the intellectual equivalent to Blues Clues and the Inquirer. I miss the City Pages of the '80's and '90s."
A number of readers took issue with our story about the protest at Mark Dayton's St. Paul manse. Ryan Caneff blamed the article's wretchedness on our corporate overlord, which is in turn owned by the world's only Marxist Republican billionaire:
"City Pages is owned by the Star Tribune, another pinko commie rag. So, no, they are just going to report the sensationalized sob story to garner sympathy. The truth doesn't sell."
Reader Philip Goldsberry did him one better, delivering perhaps the most vivid fecal insult since Little Jimmy Nystrom's legendary playground dissertation on butts in 1972:
"Hidden agenda much, City Pages? Your articles, stories, and reporters suck. City Pages has been taking a long slow creamy turd of words for the last 5-6 years."