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Top 5 Hate Mails of the Week: Featuring delicious new malice priced to move!

Despite our towering reputation for Twitter-related wedding coverage, one reader took exception: "Maybe City Pages shouldn't use Buzzfeed's ridiculously low standards of journalism for their content."

Despite our towering reputation for Twitter-related wedding coverage, one reader took exception: "Maybe City Pages shouldn't use Buzzfeed's ridiculously low standards of journalism for their content."

In this Friday's installment of Top 5 Hate Mails of the Week, we deliver another zesty batch of ire from our adoring fans: 

  1. Lawmakers in lust, and the pleasure we take in others' pain

    Columnist Mike Mullen took to the defense of Minnesota legislators Rep. Tim Kelly (R-Red Wing) and Tara Mack (R-Apple Valley), who were cited for public nuisance after being caught in pre-coitus operations while parked in an Eagan park. Mullen expressed revulsion over the glee in which both people and press followed the saga, believing it was none of our business.

    Yet some readers felt his sensitivities were misguided when applied to leaders of the Mean Jesus Party, which is rarely reluctant to castigate the morality of others. As Michael Marshall so delicately noted:

    F that. What a stupid article. Is the writer related to one of these hypocritical scumbags?

    If we were to read between the lines, we'd guess that reader Mike Olson might not like our story on Marcus Golden: "Fuck you City Pages for giving this shit a venue. It does not pass any test of journalism."

    If we were to read between the lines, we'd guess that reader Mike Olson might not like our story on Marcus Golden: "Fuck you City Pages for giving this shit a venue. It does not pass any test of journalism."

    4-3. 8 unscientific reasons why Minneapolis is one of America's most liberal cities

    Writer Michael Rietmulder launched a scorching probe into the underbelly of Forbes' recent ranking of Minneapolis as the country's 6th most liberal city. Alas, some considered his prose criminally unfunny and slithering with right-wing sympathies. Wrote Jamez Smith:

    A miserably failed attempt at Andy Borowitz style satire at best. A disgustingly ignorant fluff piece at worst.

    Meanwhile, Christopher Christopher, whose parents really like the name "Christopher," believes Rietmulder's heresy must have been inspired by our new corporate overlord, the Star Tribune, whose evil is said to be expansive and dastardly:

    Is this what we can expect from a Strib-owned City Pages? This is the dumbest, most poorly written article I've ever had the misfortune to read. I can't tell if this is a right-winger writing this or if it's just a really poor attempt to do a Portlandia type thing. I'm guessing both.

    2. Marcus Golden's aunt makes a case for martyrdom for her late nephew

    Golden was killed by St. Paul police in January after attempting to run over an officer with his SUV. Black Lives Matter St. Paul has nonetheless made him its unlikely poster child for cop brutality. Reader Mike Olson wasn't pleased by our willingness to give his aunt Monique Cullars-Doty so much airtime in defending her nephew:

    Dear Auntie Monique,

    Where were you the night your precious little Marcus was on his little rampage? So nice of you not to show up to grab a little spotlight for yourself. Unfortunately, it's still not a good idea to drive a car at the police. Marcus is not a martyr. Martyrs die "for something," because of a cause. What was Marcus's cause? Threatening people? Resisting arrest? Trying to kill other people?

    Fuck you and Mr. Turner. All you're doing is slopping around in a pool of narcissism for your 15 minutes of fame.

    Fuck you City Pages for giving this shit a venue. It does not pass any test of journalism.

    His Auntie thought? She disagrees with the timeline of announcements? Maybe they waited to announce it for investigative purposes? (And please: If you you're a whiny little liberal white person, stay out of it.)

    Nobody wanted Marcus die. He chose his death. Take a good look at why your nephew couldn't lean on you for help instead of smearing with your enlightened conjecture.

    Seriously,

    Mike

    1. Meet the Minnesota guy who invented the wedding hashtag

    In 2008, Crystal's Jon Bohlinger invented the famed wedding hashtag, a scientific breakthrough on par with the retractable garden hose. Unfortunately, Miquelangelo D. Medina doesn't believe a paper of our slender stature should be diving into such weighty matters:

    What the fuck kind of drivel did i just read? "First man to use wedding-related hashtag is from Minnesota!" The fact that this inconsequential nonsense might be considered even mildly interesting to anyone insults the intelligence of the human race. Maybe City Pages shouldn't use Buzzfeed's ridiculously low standards of journalism for their content.