Today, committed Republicans in Minnesota's 2nd Congressional District will get out and vote for their pick to replace outgoing GOP U.S. Rep. John Kline.
Probably they'll pick Jason Lewis, the former host of a conservative radio talk show who now seems to be running for Congress from the comfort of his own den. (Make America Great Again By Getting Me a Second Lamp!) Or maybe there will be an upset, and the GOP-endorsed Lewis will lose out to businesswoman Darlene Miller or former Republican state senator John Howe.
What won't happen, we're sad to say, is a victory for Matt Erickson.
Erickson's imminent loss is your loss, too, if you're the sort of person who can't pull your eyes away from a trainwreck. Like, imagine a trainwreck that started with the entire thing hopping the tracks, and then one by one each car exploded into a fireball, and then the whole flaming train went speeding down into a ravine, and then at the bottom of the ravine was a cave filled with natural gas, and -- KABOOM! -- the satellites could see the resulting explosion from space. This is Matt Erickson's campaign.
Erickson, a longtime fringe Republican activist, recently came to our attention during his strange appearance as a local supporter/spokesman for the Donald Trump presidential campaign. Somehow he decided his experience in the spotlight had gone well, and made his next move, an almost unendurably awkward announcement he was running for Congress.
Erickson's more comfortable on camera now. We would not say he's better. Here, watch this television ad, one that Erickson claims "Fox News refuses to air." Note that Erickson floats the totally believable theory that "global elites are bringing in radical Muslims so they can attack us; so they can then take our guns."
Nobody's takin' Matt Erickson's guns. Why, there he is shooting one right now! In his Congressional campaign ad! Why?!
Be sure to stick around till the end, when you get to see Erickson shoot a bullet right into a shitty drawing of Osama Bin Laden. This really happens.
Incredibly, this is not even Erickson's most infamously distasteful campaign communication to date. That would be this terrible tweet, posted last week, in which the 29-year-old Erickson refers to meeting a "cute brunette" who cannot vote for him... because she's not old enough.
Note the many, many responses Erickson's tweet has received. They're all pretty negative about Erickson's line of thinking. Well, you know what they say: There's no such thing as bad publicity, even if that publicity is dozens of people accusing you of creeping on a teenage girl when you're supposed to be campaigning for Congress... you know what this does sound like bad publicity.
There are hidden gems to be found even in Erickson's paperwork. Check out his filing with the Federal Elections Commission, where the candidate reports more than $50,000 in "donations" -- virtually all of them "in-kind" donations of people's... uh, services.
From various different folks, Erickson reports $2,700 (the maximum amount allowed) worth of "spiritual advice," "physical labor," "land usage," "on-call voice actress" work, and "social media advice, plus a "social media assistant." (Two people helped him before he wrote that tweet!) For some reason, the "transfer control of 'Political Gas' Facebook page" was worth only $2,650.
This whole campaign, though, is priceless, and we will miss it. If Donald Trump blows up ISIS real good, throws Hillary Clinton in Guantanamo, and triples every American's salary in his first week in the White House, those accomplishments will still be secondary.
Nothing will compare to Trump's inspiring Matt Erickson to run for office -- which has, in turn, inspired the rest of us to run for our lives.
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- Donald Trump says Minnesota's having 'tremendous problems' [VIDEO]