We always thought that Tim Pawlenty was a Walmart Republican. Turns out he's really a meat hook conservative unafraid to blow chow when the going gets rough.
That's what we learn from the muscular prose that Hulk Hogan's ghost writer produced for T-Paw's upcoming book "Courage to Stand."
Mark Dagostino's last gig was making Hogan look literate in "My Life Outside the Ring." He exercises the same magic with T-Paw. Too bad he doesn't get a credit on the book jacket.
Here's Pawlenty's meat hook moment.
Have you ever opened up an expired or rotting pack of hamburger from the bottom of your refrigerator and given it a big whiff? Yeah. Multiply that times a thousand, and you'll get the idea. You could smell that rotting meat as soon as we opened the doors of those trailers. Then, when we hopped up there, we could hear the buzzing. My dad reached in and grabbed the first hook, and I held my breath and leaned in through a swarm of flies to grab mine - and I lost it. I tossed my cookies next to one of the bins, only adding to the mess and the stench.
Here's some of the Hulkster's purple prose.
I was right there leaning on the side of the car with my hands when I finally saw Nick--my only son--folded up like an accordion with his head down by the gas pedal. "Nick!" I yelled. I could see he was alive. He turned his head, he stuck his hand out, and gave me a thumbs-up. For a second I was relieved. Then the chaos set in. The noise of engines. Sirens. A saw. Para - medics pulling John from the passenger seat. So much blood.
Nice work, Dagostino. Maybe this political hagiography will be worth reading. The question is, should it be filed in non-fiction, or fiction?