The University of Minnesota has sort of sucked at hiring for a while now.
At least when it comes to its athletics department. The firing this week of football head coach Tracy Claeys, who unwisely threw himself in front of a speeding rape investigation, is just the latest in a string of scandal-laced departures.
Claeys' parting words to reporters -- "I won't be up here freezing my ass off, so y'all enjoy the winter" -- suggest he's moving right on with his life.
So, too, is the University. Sources say the University already reached out to Penn State University offensive coordinator Joe Moorhead, who reportedly rejected the offer upfront. Also thought to be at the top of the U's interest list is Western Michigan University coach P.J. Fleck.
Fleck's name has received the most buzz these past few days, but there are enough other candidates to put together lists of 5, 6, or 7 possible replacements for Claeys. Feel free to read up on those lists.
Or join them. As of Thursday, the University of Minnesota's "Careers" web page has a listing for "Football Head Coach," a full-time job for which the higher education institute is accepting applications. The coaching position (job code 9791, job ID 315025 in the U of M's sytem) requires a bachelor's degree, with master's preferred.
No money figure is listed, so the salary is apparently negotiable. (Hint, for the non-football types applying, we suggest you start at $1 million a year and work your way down.)
Some job duties, as sketched out in the listing:
Develop and maintain a competitive intercollegiate football program within the NCAA and Big Ten Conference.
Direct all aspects of football staff in recruiting, practice and game competitions.
Instruct and teach student-athletes in fundamentals of football technique and strategy.
Plan and execute practice and competition plans including the evaluation of opponents.
Evaluate and recruit qualified student-athletes to the University of Minnesota whose athletic skills make them highly competitive in the Big Ten and whose academic abilities make them good candidates for a meaningful academic experience and graduation from the University of Minnesota.
Perform significant administrative responsibilities, including budget planning and management, scheduling of competitions and planning and executing team travel.
Provide opportunities for student-athletes to develop life and leadership skills.
Assist in monitoring the academic performance of student-athletes to help them achieve full potential.
Establish and maintain effective relationships within the athletics department, the University, community, booster clubs, alumni, high school coaches, media and the general public.
Represent in a positive fashion the University and its athletic programs in private and public forums.
Nothing in that list about "Avoid getting embroiled in a campus rape story at the precise moment it's becoming national news," but that might be the kind of thing that comes up in a first interview.
A few key footnotes:
- This being Minnesota, "competitive intercollegiate football program" is a relative term;
- The "qualified student-athletes" you're recruiting to the University should probably not wind up in a room with a scholarship player and an undergrad woman who doesn't want to be there, as happened at The Radius apartment building;
- "Leadership" is absolutely to be encouraged, but not if it's only going to be invoked to lead some kind of protest in defense of accused rapists;
- "Private and public forums" most definitely includes Twitter, where you'd be hard-pressed to top Claeys' inexplicably tone-deaf tweet saying he was "proud" of his boycotting players.
"This position works in a creative and collaborative team environment where change is embraced and innovation is encouraged," the job listing continues. For example, try pretending to give the ball to the one guy when (surprise!) you're actually giving it to the other guy!
Another caveat: "Up to 75% travel expected." And, we would add, to some boring places: Columbus, Ohio; central Pennsylvania; Lansing, Michigan. Bring a book, coach.
Think you're up for the task? All applications must be submitted online (apparently ruling out old school coaches who don't know how to turn on the computer box), and an updated cover letter and resume should be attached as separate files.
Good luck, candidates! Oh and you, too, giant land grant university!