No, this isn't the dad (or the son).
We posted thousands of stories on The Blotter in 2009. Here's what you clicked on the most:
No. 1: Local dad spoke only Klingon to child for three years
Wait. Klingon? Not Spanish, French, Mandarin? Not some gutteral genuflecting concoction from the deepest recesses of Borneo? Klingon?
No. 2: Before Brock: 10 career-ending freak accidents and illnesses
UFC champ Brock Lesnar may never return to action to defend his belt because of an intestinal illness. If so, it won't be the first time a promising sports career was cut short.
No. 3: How to shave your balls
This can't be for real. Can it? Can it? Gillette wants men to shave their balls?! Serious. This is their rationale: "When there is no underbrush... the tree looks taller?!"
No. 4: Boy hid in oven to escape dad's attack, dad turns on oven
The WTF moment of the year in Minneapolis: A dad started beating his 10-year-old son, the boy escaped to the home's oven, then the dad turned the oven on, police say.
No. 5: Brock Lesnar may never fight again
In a bombshell announcement, we learned that UFC champ Brock Lesnar was hospitalized with a intestinal disorder requiring "major surgery" (see above) and that he may never fight again.
No. 6: 10 things hipsters couldn't ruin in the 00s
Hipsters rove in hungry packs, easily identifiable by their painted-on jeans and quickly-rotating ensemble of accessories designed to make them stand out like their friends.
No. 7: Woman disfigured after injecting lube into her face
A Twin Cities mom, who didn't want to be named, bought 100 percent silicone lube online, and syringes at a local pharmacy, and tried to inject it herself.
No. 8: Wisconsin man attempts drive-by shooting, forgets to roll down car window
Andrew J. Burwitz attempted a drive-by shooting. Police found him after he failed to roll down his car window, shattering it when he made the first shot.
No. 9: 'Run Hadji Run' fireworks at Wisconsin store not so patriotic
A Wisconsin fireworks store was bombarded with angry customers and Muslim groups who said its "Run Hadji Run" fireworks were flat-out racist.
No. 10: Fox News reporter Megyn Kelly rips Playboy "hate-sex" story
Playboy publishes a list of conservative women to "hate fuck" -- Michele Bachmann made the list -- and Fox News reporter Megyn Kelly opened a can of whoop-ass. With video.