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The IRS doesn't want your $100 million check

Life just got harder for the private jet class.

Life just got harder for the private jet class.

It’s not easy being incomprehensibly rich. Who can be bothered with remembering the names of the help or where you parked the Lambo while skinny dipping in platinum-speckled pools filled with Dom Perignon?

Now the goddamn government is asking even more from the private jet class.

Starting next year the IRS and Department of Treasury will no longer accept checks for $100 million or more, the Associated Press reports. Instead, omnipotent wealth accruers, whose time is more valuable than your children’s souls, will be cruelly forced to write multiple checks when owing the man over $99,999,999. If that’s too strenuous, they can always wire the money like their immigrant housekeepers working three jobs to provide for their families back home.

Apparently people actually send checks with that many digits. An IRS memo indicates 14 checks worth upward of $100 million were cashed during the 2014 tax season. An IRS spokeswoman was unsure if any had come from Minnesotans.

While the big-money check ban may result in ache-y rich people wrists, it will spare the IRS some hassle. Federal Reserve banks can’t handle checks of that size and they have to be [ugh] processed manually, according to the memo. Plus, larger checks are more susceptible to theft, fraud, and general screw-ups, say the feds.

Calls to the Minnesota Taxpayers League of Minnesota were not immediately returned. But national anti-tax groups saw the irony in a debt-buried government turning down $100 million checks and — quite naturally — accused President Obama of making life harder for the uber-rich.

“If Obama really gets mean, he's going to make them bring in pennies or nickels,” Grover Norquist, president of Americans for Tax Reform, tells the AP.

Instead of added hurdles, Norquist suggested the 1 percent should be given complimentary champagne.

“You're trying to write a $100 million check to the government and they’re treating you like dirt?” he said. “These are your customers. If this was Las Vegas, they'd give you the suite and a bottle of champagne for free.”