The Gertens 'All Lives Matter' Christmas ornament is perfect for the jackass in your life


Black Lives Matter.

The three-word phrase functions as a sort of catch-all term for the movement calling for an end of racial prejudice in American policing, government, and everyday life. It also somehow turned out to be divisive. Some (white) people interpreted the phrase as implying that only black lives matter, rather than its actual meaning: black lives matter, too.

It's this confused interpetation that you can blame for the existence of the odious, pointless response phrase "All Lives Matter." And if you know someone who likes throwing that back whenever a black person gets unjustly killed, put in handcuffs, or called a racial epithet... then boy have we got a Christmas ornament for you.

Search the Gertens website for "Christmas ornament" and you'll come up with all sorts of normal-sounding holiday-cheer stuff, most of it from the Snowbabies line: "Reindeer Ride," "Frosted Scene," "Little Angel," "Misteltoe Magic." 

Sure. Fine. Merry Christmas.

Then someone spotted a new kind of ornament on sale at the Inver Grove Heights greenhouse and gardening supply store. 

O come the fuck on, all ye faithful.

As we all know, the real spirit of Christmas is denying other people comfort in their own skin. You can't have them going around saying their life matters unchallenged. What's next: A black Santa at the Mall of America?

For what it's worth, our tipster says the "All Lives Matter" ornament was on clearance. Get 'em while they're cheap! Think of it as a cherished family heirloom your mortified kids will try to pretend isn't hanging on the Christmas tree until one day one of the grandkids drops it into the garbage with a sad little sigh.