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The end is nigh, proclaim U scientists

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Put this in the "well, duh" category.

In an Earth shattering (nyuk nyuk) report published in Nature magazine, homegrown eggheads state that, according to their research, the Earth's life sustaining systems are much closer to the brink of collapse than was previously thought.

And guess who's to blame? Yep, that's right, little old us.

Counterpoint: George Carlin.

Quoth Jon Foley, co-author of the report:

"For lack of a better phrase, the Earth becomes a bit more like Humpty Dumpty," said report co-author Jon Foley, director of the University of Minnesota's Institute on the Environment. "You push it, it falls over, and it breaks. You can't put it back together again."

28 scientists in total collaborated on the report, which says that mankind, unless it radically changes its global behavior (and, perhaps, even if it does), is living on meager time borrowed at heavy interest.

So, I guess this counts as "big news," right?

As snarky as it is, Carlin's statement holds up--it's not the planet that's in danger. It's humanity. But so self absorbed are we that we mark our own peril as something even greater. When we talk of saving the planet, what we really mean is saving our own sorry asses.

For us at Blotter, it's no big loss. After years of observing this wretched species murdering and thieving each other, we're not ashamed to say it--all things considered, it's in the universe's best interest to rid itself of humanity once and for all.