The Bong Show

Bottoms up!

Bottoms up!

Time to dump your bong water in case the police show up at your door. They might think you actually plan to drink it later.

According to a split decision by the Minnesota Supreme Court, a person in possession of more than 25 grams of bong water that contains a controlled substance can be prosecuted for a first-degree drug crime.

While most people wouldn't consider bong water to be a legitimate drug, a narcotics officer testified that users will sometimes save the bong water and drink it later. We just puked a little.

The decision came after a Rice County woman had a glass bong seized from her home that tested positive for methamphetamine. The Supreme Court says that bong water now counts as a drug "mixture" under state law.

Here's an idea: If you find bong water that tests positive for drugs, chances are you'll find some drugs somewhere close by. Are we getting that desperate in these drug wars to suspect that a normal person would actually drink bong water to get high? At that point we should almost have sympathy for drug addicts.

Speaking of lawmakers and drugs...

One Wisconsin lawmaker is having trouble staying at home when he is under the influence of drugs and alcohol. Rep. Jeff Wood (I-Chippewa Falls) was arrested last Wednesday for his third OWI in less than a year after police suspected he was under the influence of drugs. Now he faces possible expulsion from the state Legislature.

This arrest was his second in less than a month. He was also arrested back in December for a similar incident. Someone reported a car being driven erratically around 4:23 p.m. in Tomah, and police spotted Wood swerving and driving over a curb. When police pulled him over, he failed a field sobriety test. He was also in possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia during the traffic stop.

In September, Wood was cited for inattentive driving. County officials have yet to decide if they are going to charge him with driving under the influence of prescription drug Lorazepam.

A Republican in the state Legislature, Rep. Steve Nass, introduced a resolution last Wednesday to expel Wood. It needs two-thirds of the vote to pass and remove him.

Return pilots to the upright position

If the pilots on the Northwest Airlines flight that overshot Minneapolis by 150 miles this week were lying about what really happened, they are probably giving each other some serious high fives right now. It looks like the cockpit voice recorder is probably worthless in the investigation.

The voice recorder is an old model that keeps only 30 minutes, so presumably the last 30 minutes of tape is probably the flight turning around and heading back to the MSP airport, where it were supposed to land. We can only hope the pilots talked about their "plan" on what to tell investigators so we know what was really going on.

The device arrived in Washington, D.C., last week to be analyzed by investigators. Newer recorders hold up to two hours of cockpit activity. These pilots lucked out, or didn't, if they are telling the truth and it would be proven in the recordings.

After interviewing both pilots over the weekend, the NTSB released some of its findings. According to its preliminary statement, the pilots violated company policy by using personal laptops in the cockpit while in a conversation about the new crew flight scheduling system.

Company policy prohibits the use of laptops in the flight deck. The pilots say they got distracted by the discussion and lost track of where they were until a flight attendant asked them their estimated time of arrival just as they passed Minneapolis-St. Paul International. The flight missed the airport by 150 miles and had to turn around once the pilots realized their mistake.

Swine flu spoils sportsmanship

As if H1N1 couldn't make our lives any worse, now kids can't even shake hands with opponents after a game. What has the world come to? Children in youth hockey leagues will be forced to "shake hands" with their gloves on, which is more like a fist bump. Totally not worth it.

USA Hockey has issued a couple of recommendations for youth hockey teams to help prevent the spread of swine flu among kids. The handshake is probably a bad idea, they say, but now all of the kids have "bad sportsmanship" when they leave their gloves on. No one can win.