Ted Cruz wins Republican Party of Minnesota straw poll

Ted Cruz is Minnesota conservatives' favorite child of immigrants who really doesn't care about immigrants.

Ted Cruz is Minnesota conservatives' favorite child of immigrants who really doesn't care about immigrants.

Ted Cruz, the surprisingly lifelike Republican U. S. Senator from Texas, has the edge over his fellow Republicans among conservatives in Minnesota. Despite a crowded field, Cruz easily won a straw poll conducted at the Republican Party of Minnesota (RPM) state central committee meeting over the weekend. 

Cruz collected 32 percent of the vote, nearly doubling-up his closest competitor, Florida U.S. Sen. Marco Rubio, who finished second with about 16 percent. Apparently, Minnesota Republicans just have a thing for the children of immigrants who would personally volunteer to send a child migrant back to Central America via giant slingshot if it might bring him a step closer to the Republican nomination. 

The Cruz-Rubio finish also mirrors their standing in other states, including Iowa, host of the first-in-the-nation caucus, and helps explain why the Floridian has started a more pointed series of attacks on Cruz. 

The three-headed, no-brained monster of rank amateurs, Carly Fiorina (12 percent), Donald Trump (10 percent), and Ben Carson (8 percent) finished third, fourth, and sixth, respectively, while occasional libertarian Republican U.S. Sen. Rand Paul grabbed fifth with just under 10 percent. The results indicate that if one of the "no experience required" crowd can unify whoever thinks it would be okay for one of them to have control of our nuclear stockpile, then he, she, or it could give Cruz a run for his money. 

Another 6.7 percent were "undecided," and no other actual candidate got more than 2 percent. This is a pretty bad sign for the current or former governors — including Jeb Bush (Florida), Chris Christie (New Jersey), and John Kasich (Ohio) — running on the GOP side, and also bodes badly for Rick Santorum, who actually won the Minnesota Republican caucus in 2012, but polled at less than 1 percent this past weekend. 

Now would be a good time to remember that some recent polling indicated that Democratic frontrunner Hillary Clinton would have a close-run battle against nearly every GOP candidate in Minnesota. But it's an even better time to take a look at the hilariously awkward outtakes video of Ted Cruz trying to get his family to play along in filming TV advertisements.

Watch as Cruz tries to bully his mom into telling an uncomfortable story, hugs people on command, and repeatedly says he is Ted Cruz, and he approves this message like a weird conservative windup doll that's on the fritz. You've made a fine choice, conservative activists. You're the Republican Party of Minnesota, and you approve this message.