In a study that cannot possibly be questioned because it has been published online, Minnesota ranks as the "least stressed state" in America.
The folks at WalletHub® (the most-trusted news hub for internet-surfing wallets) awarded our state this honorific in a new report which claims that on balance, life in the South is very stressful, and life in the Upper Midwest is not.
The report combines a variety of measurable features, ranking states (and Washington, D.C.) by average hours worked per week, percentage of people in poverty, health, crime, housing costs, and how much sleep residents are getting a night. Some categories were worth more: median income was weighted double compared to the bankruptcy rate; percentage of single parents about a quarter more than people's average amount of "leisure time per day."
After scores for all those categories were tabulated, Minnesota finished last! Meaning first! As the least-stressed state, Minnesota is decisively ahead, with neighboring states North Dakota, Iowa, and South Dakota finishing second through fourth, respectively.
Even Wisconsin (42nd) does pretty well on this ranking.
Minnesota earned the No. 1 spot by ranking near the top on median credit score (tied for first, with North Dakota), divorce rate (fourth-lowest in the country), lowest percentage of residents in "fair/poor health" (third, behind Vermont and New Hampshire, each of populated by like a dozen people, each), our high number of psychologists (fourth-most per capita), and our already renowned ability to go the fuck to sleep (third-best after Colorado, where everyone is high, and South Dakota, where almost everyone is, upon closer inspection, a scarecrow.)
So there you have it, Minnesota. You are officially recognized as the most care-free, blissed-out population in America. Enjoy it.
Unless you, personally, don't exactly feel stress-free right at the moment. In that case -- PANIC! You're ruining our placement on this cool list for everyone!