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Stink-proof underwear proves God does exist

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We receive a lot of press releases from terrible rap bands, nasty booze and really strange events. But we think this might be the first press release we've received for "stink-proof" underwear.

Duluth Trading Co. claims they are heaven sent. We'd have to agree. No one wants a smelly crotch. Once again we thank Wisconsin for their contributions to the world.

So what makes any pair of underwear heaven sent? Here's what the Belleville, Wisc. company has to say about that:

For tough guys who need added protection underneath it all, Duluth Trading Company introduces comfortable, anti-stink diamond knit undies that will knock the cotton "tighty whitie" on its bum. The three styles of Duluth Performance Underwear are 50 percent lighter and 200 percent more stretchy than cotton underwear.
That's some stretchy underwear. Why exactly would you need to stretch your underwear that much? Creepy.

While it's obvious that overly sweaty men could get their cool factor back with a pair, Duluth Trading also says these undies are perfect for the already sexy men in your life:

Ideal for guys who get physical at work and at play, Duluth Trading Performance Underwear, comprised of 93 percent nylon and seven percent spandex, protect against chafing, itching and feeling clammy. (Author's note: Vomited in my mouth) To create these extreme undies, Duluth Trading tested fabric used by triathletes, rock climbers and other active types and considered tradesmen's needs for comfort, freedom of movement and moisture wicking.

Stephanie Pugliese, vice president of product development for Duluth Trading Company: "Whether our customers are climbing a scaffold or Mt. Shasta, our performance underwear features antimicrobial fabric to help fight mildew, bacteria and job-site stink. And, a sturdier 1 1/2 inch elastic waistband is brushed inside for chafe-free comfort."

Still not convinced? Duluth Trading quotes trustworthy source "Randy," a Duluth Trades Panel contractor, who says they are the "best damn underwear I ever put on!"

If only the press release came with a free pair. We'd totally pass them around the office for some real-life tests.