State Senate wants you to fix their mess


The state budget is nearly $5 billion-with-a-B in the hole. So today they unveiled a Web site asking citizens for their input.

"In order to create a balanced budget for the next two years, we will need to consider all ideas and be creative in finding solutions," reads the site. "All Minnesotans will need to be a part of the decision-making process."

Not many people have weighed in yet, so we thought we'd break the ice. Here are our humble suggestions in no particular order:


Abolish Public Education: Every year, an astounding 38 percent of the state budget is squandered on these kiddie-prisons. This is odd for many reasons. Not only is the government's monopoly on education wasteful, it's glaringly counterproductive to its stated goal, which is imparting knowledge/wisdom to its participants.  It should go without saying that the state's first and last concern is the churning out of obedient consumers/workers (not thinkers), and the imbeciles who claim that the solution is to lavish this ominous machinery with more money/influence have no business running a lemonade stand, let alone a state budget. Referring to this indoctrinaton as "education" is arguably the most hilarious debasement of the English language since the coining of the phrase, "War on Terror." Worthy of note: those who support public education are either A) guilt-ridden, private school-educated ninnies completely out-of-touch with the potential-crushing realities of the public school system or B) public school graduates themselves. (note: the author is of public school origin, and did not fare particularly well, so maybe he's just bitter).

Stop Putting Drug Users in Cages: For reasons that have never been adequately explained, our government--at both the federal and state levels--routinely rounds up citizens who participate in certain unhealthy lifestyles (but not others) and sticks them in holding pens for sometimes years at a time. Not only does this put a strain on our budget, it runs counter to basic concepts of human liberty and dignity on which this country was allegedly founded. 

Stop Putting Entreprenuers in Cages: As long as the act doesn't stem from force or fraud or monopoly, there's nothing morally wrong with the selling of unhealthy products-- and that goes for drugs to the same extent as it does for alcohol, cigarettes, and Big Macs. The fact that we waste time/money trying, sentencing, and caging small business owners is very weird (to say the least).

Abolish Farm Subsidies: Thirteen percent of the world's population is starving, and we actually pay farmers to not grow food (thereby artificially inflating food pricing and lining the pockets of corporate farmers). Granted, this is a drop in the pail, but the insanity of this policy is so obvious it needs no further comment.  

Fire 99 Percent of All Government Employees: Contrary to what we're "taught" in schools, government employees are wholly unnecessary with a few rare exceptions.

But this is probably all just "crazy" talk. Our valiant leaders will more likely resort to something safer and more orthodox, like, say, taxing the piss out of you.