St. Croix Falls woman arrested for passing out on her front steps with vagina exposed
Officers believe Knutson was intentionally showing her naughty parts to those unfortunate enough to look toward her steps.
Not only did Michelle Knutson pass out naked last Friday on the front steps of her St. Croix Falls home, but she managed to position herself in such a way that passersby had no choice but to take a gander at her vagina.
Police, responding to a report of a naked, unconscious woman at about 6 p.m. that night, wrote in a criminal complaint that they found Knutson, 56, "completely naked with her legs open exposing her genitals to passing cars and pedestrian traffic." In a shocking turn of events, officers noted that she appeared intoxicated.
Once revived, Knutson told police that it was no big deal. She said she "always" walks around naked. She told police that she had walked onto her porch in the nude before realizing her husband had locked her out of the house. Unable to get in, she apparently decided to pass out in that most mentally scarring of positions in order to "get some sun." Really, you're trying to tan down there?
For what it's worth, police say the back door of her home wasn't locked. Officers noted there were a number of items on the porch that Knutson could've used to get decent, including a towel.
She was arrested on suspicion of lewd/lascivious behavior, but St. Croix Falls police apparently had mercy on her naked soul -- according to the Pioneer Press, they later released her without criminal charges being filed.
Sure, it's her house and all, but getting off without punishment doesn't seem quite fair. After all, those unfortunate enough to pass her house while she was on her porch flashing her goods for all of Wisconsin to see will almost certainly never be the same.
It's not as convenient as the comfort of your own steps, but next time, Michelle, we advise you take the no pants-tanning routine to Wisconsin's infamous Mazo Beach.
July's been hot, and criminals are getting naked:
-- Naked robber, Roy Huete-Guzman, allegedly ransacks Mpls home
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