Screw Franken and Coleman. It's Boogaard season!
The election is over. And while the pot-head with fake teeth and the pervert with funny glasses continue their slap fight on the television for the Senate seat, a battle that has the makings of an Oxygen network reality series, Minnesotans must take this opportunity to change their channels away from it, and Anderson Cooper, no matter how sexy, for something a Nordic Salt Boat Captain I once met inside a dimly lit Harbor Inn told me is the soul of the great north: Hockey.
This means no more pontificating about real America or the symbolic history of a white guy from Hawaii making it into the Oval Office. Just crisp skating, wrist shots and Boogaard. Even the weather is getting cold again, slamming Al Gore into the boards. And the Wild are in first place in the Northwest Division, led by our favorite Finn, Mikko Koivu, 207 lbs. of athletic prowess.
And with our renewed focus on hockey brings with it the return of The Code. It's an intuitive system that places peace-keeping forces in the knuckles of the toughest Quebecois enforcer of the modern era.
Maybe we can avoid the recount and just have Franken and Coleman drop their gloves at center ice...
Get the This Week's Top Stories Newsletter
Every week we collect the latest news, music and arts stories — along with film and food reviews and the best things to do this week — so that you’ll never miss City Pages' biggest stories.
- Steven Timm charged with animal cruelty for harassing, drowning deer
- Cataclysmic boredom propels Stewart Mills into 2016 congressional race
- Man goes to meet prostitute with a trunk full of plastic and a giant empty suitcase