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Scott Walker wants to protect us from the Canadian menace

Scott Walker rides a motorcycle and has ideas about border security.

Scott Walker rides a motorcycle and has ideas about border security.

Republican presidential candidates are lining up to pledge their commitment to protecting America from aliens without paperwork. While most of the clamor has focused on preventing brown people from crossing our southern border and showing us up with their superior work ethic, few candidates have been bold enough to discuss discussed the threat from the Great White North.

Until Sunday, that is, when Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker called building a fence along the U.S.-Canadian border a “legitimate issue.” The aspiring president/craven opportunist  dropped by NBC’s Meet the Press for a convo with Chuck Todd, who asked whether Walker thought building a wall between the two countries was a good move.

“Some people have asked us about that in New Hampshire,” Walker said. “They raised some very legitimate concerns, including some law enforcement folks that brought that up to me at one of our town hall meetings about a week and a half ago. So that is a legitimate issue for us to look at.”

Could it be that the Canadian menace is coming? 

To be fair, Walker said border crackdowns are as much about terrorism as they are the threat of people stealing our Zamboni-driving jobs. But fencing off the country that gave us Drake, IMAX theaters and Matt Dumba would be a serious undertaking.

“I can’t even begin to tell you how that makes sense,” remarked one northern Border Patrol agent who was not authorized to speak to the media.

Spanning 5,525 miles, the U.S.-Canadian border is the world’s longest international border. Though it’s more than twice the length of the U.S.-Mexican border, America’s northern agents busted roughly 3,300 people trying to cross illegally last year. That's compared to the 479,000 illegals caught at out southern border last year. 

After politicos of both stripes ripped Walker, a campaign spokesperson told the Chicago Tribune that he wasn’t pushing for a wall. Rather, border security was the broader, “legitimate” issue he meant to speak of. 

And somewhere a Canadian drug dealer is loading a dogsled with maple-laced weed.