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Scott Walker reignites Wisconsin's 'War on Christmas.' It doesn't go well

Scott Walker, citizen-soldier in the most harrowing conflict of our time.

Scott Walker, citizen-soldier in the most harrowing conflict of our time. Fox News

Beginning in 1916, Wisconsin began placing a Christmas tree in its Capitol rotunda to celebrate the holiday season. The tradition would last until 1985, when everyone from big box stores to major corporations realized the whole Christmas thing was leaving out 30 percent of the population that wasn't Christian.

Wisconsin began to call its magnificent pine a “holiday tree.” No one thought much of it until the first shots were fired in the most harrowing conflict of our time, The War on Christmas.

This grave battle was popularized by former Fox News host and noted moralist Bill O'Reilly, before he was fired for being a serial pervert. It was always a curious conflict. The basic idea was that America's 70 percent Christian majority was somehow being bullied by a disjointed collection of smaller religions, agnostics, atheists, and people who never really gave it much thought.

Think of it as a cross between Antietam and Normandy, only wholly imaginary and with nothing of consequence at stake

But Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker, the son of a Baptist preacher, considered it of great import. Upon his election in 2011, he once again declared it a “Christmas tree,” striking a valiant blow against the dark forces keeping Christendom from ruling as if no one else mattered.

Walker wasn't exactly a model soldier. Some might even call him a disciple of Reverse Jesus.

His eight-year reign was marked by harsh policies toward working people, while swaddling the wealthy in his manger. His crowning achievement was the largest single corporate welfare package in U.S. history. Esquire often joked that he'd turned Wisconsin into the Midwestern subsidiary of the Koch brothers.

Alas, the good people of Wisconsin finally tired of Walker's version of Christianity last year. He was defeated by new Democratic Gov. Tony Evers, who once again anointed a state “holiday tree.”

Walker was outraged. He took to Twitter to note that a Christmas tree should always be called a Christmas tree. In the world of Scott Walker, nothing is allowed to evolve or vary.

But as you can imagine, the darkest of enemies were ready to pounce, and they would spare no mercy. Walker was last seen buried under a firestorm of mockery: