Rush Limbaugh has a crush on Chris Kluwe

Rush is feeling slightly bromantic about Kluwe.
Rush is feeling slightly bromantic about Kluwe.

-- Chris Kluwe to Emmett Burns: Gay marriage "won't magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster"
-- Chris Kluwe says politician is "literally an asshole" for anti-gay marriage stance
-- Chris Kluwe coins "turdsloth" while defending Crossfit on Gawker

Yesterday, Rush Limbaugh devoted a few minutes of his radio show to the Emmett Burns-Chris Kluwe beef.

Think Rush ripped Kluwe a new one for being a staunch gay marriage advocate? Not quite. In fact, Rush seems to have taken a bit of a shining to the Vikings' outspoken, profane punter.

I was having a good day and didn't want to spoil it, so I didn't actually listen to Rush's show. But fortunately for folks like me, a transcript of each and every precious word Rush utters is promptly posted to his website, so we can fill you in on the details without putting our ears and mood at risk.

Rush characterized Kluwe's Deadspin address to Burns as "profane," "funny," and "humorous."

"Everybody loves [the letter] because it excoriates Emmett Burns as being an absolute toad and an idiot... The guy's [i.e., Kluwe] got a way with words," Rush said.

Sounds like a budding bromance, doesn't it? (A full transcript of Limbaugh's Burns-Kluwe remarks can be read on page two.)

Over the weekend, Burns actually backtracked from his demand that Baltimore Ravens ownership silence linebacker and outspoken gay marriage advocate Brendon Ayanbadejo.

"Upon reflection, [Ayanbadejo] has his First Amendment rights," Burns told The Baltimore Sun. "And I have my First Amendment rights. ... Each of us has the right to speak our opinions. The football player and I have a right to speak our minds."

That's true, Emmett, but only one of the two of you has the ability to speak out without sounding like a total turdsloth.

Here's what Rush had to say about Burns and Kluwe:

I'll tell you: If Peyton Manning ever comes out for gay marriage, they're gonna make him quarterback, they're gonna make him commissioner, they're gonna make him president, whatever he wants. (interruption) Well, no. That's because there's this local government official in Maryland, Emmett Burns, who sent an e-mail or a letter to an offensive lineman for the Baltimore Ravens and the ownership of the Ravens. This guy is actively pro-gay marriage.

So Emmett Burns, the state elected official, sends a letter asking them to shut him up, asking him to not talk about it for moral and cultural reasons. He says there's no place in football for this stuff, and he sent a letter to the owners, Steve Bisciotti: Will you please shut the guy up? Well, all hell has broken loose against Emmett Burns. "Who are you to deny freedom of speech? You ever read the Constitution, you idiot?" That's what the reaction to him is. He's taken it on the chin every...

The punter of the Minnesota Vikings, a guy named Chris Kluwe, wrote a blog post that was so obscene, it can't be quoted. But everybody loves it because it excoriates Emmett Burns as being an absolute toad and an idiot. He says things like, "Mr. Burns, can you please explain to me how two gay people getting married is gonna hurt you? It isn't gonna hurt you at all, not one thing -- except it's gonna make them more complete citizens."

So people around the world in the pro-gay marriage movement now love Chris Kluwe of the Minnesota Vikings. His first letter, it is racked with profanities. CNN today said they couldn't quote it. They wanted to read it and couldn't quote it, or maybe it was Fox. I forget which. I read it over the weekend. It is profane. It's funny; it's humorous. The guy's got a way with words, and this Emmett Burns guy is black, and everybody's dumping on this guy.

So I'm just saying: If Peyton Manning... Oh, it was CNN, 'cause they had Tiki Barber on. Tiki Barber said (summarized), "It's only a matter of time. This new generation gets it, gay marriage. We're gonna have openly gay players in the NFL. They're gonna come out; we're gonna get with it. This new generation's gonna take care of it. Everybody's gonna get up to speed. It's gonna be fine, and then the NFL..."

Okay, that's it. I knew this was gonna happen, folks. And then CNN's doing stories on paralyses and head injuries in football. I knew it. I knew all this was gonna happen. So, anyway, if Peyton Manning comes out for gay marriage, then it's gonna be the National Manning League, with Eli as vice president and Archie as secretary of state or whatever he wants. Their mother is gonna be whatever she wants, and Goodell's gonna be waving from the train station.

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