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Rich Gopher football fans require booze to have fun, Regents conclude

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If you are one of the lucky folks who will be sitting high and mighty during the first season of Gopher football in the new stadium, you can rest assured you'll have unlimited supplies of booze to make the games more exciting.

The University of Minnesota Regents voted in a split decision today to allow the stadium to serve alcohol to luxury, suite and clubroom ticket-holders, the Star Tribune says.

How did the Regents come to this vote? Rich people are alcoholics and can't enjoy a football game without a cold brew... or 10.

More from the Star Tribune:

Longtime Regent David Metzen made a lengthy address, complete with a handout, arguing that to keep the suites alcohol-free would "put our ability to sell premium seats at risk" and hinder the ability of the athletics department to make money.

"We are in a very, very competitive market," Metzen said, listing the professional teams with which the new stadium will compete.

Oh, and the U of M is greedy. Booze equals more money. Unfortunately all of the underagers will just have to do a few more beer bongs before crawling from the dorms instead of hoping a 21-plus friend sneaks them a drink.

The split vote on the issue is quite rare for the Regents. According to a Minnesota Daily report from several years ago, the Regents rarely vote against anything put before them. The Regents are getting rebellious!

Of the final votes taken from 1994 to 2006, all of the 859 measures before them passed. Regents unanimously approved 98.1 percent (843) of those total votes, while only 1.9 percent (16) were contested. In numerous board votes from 1994 to 2006, regents have, at times, expressed concern about certain measures, but then voted with the rest of the board to pass it anyway.