Rev. Eric Dykstra's Crossing Church offers 3-D TV bribes

The Rev. Eric Dykstra doesn't feel like The Greatest Story Ever Told has done a good enough job attracting people to his Crossing Church in Elk River, so he's become an electronics pitch man.

The church is giving away $8,000 worth of 3-D televisions and game consoles in a lottery open to anyone who walks through the church's doors Easter weekend to see if they want to buy what Dykstra's selling.

"I have no problem bribing people with crap in order to meet Christ," Dykstra told KARE 11. "What we've done is said, 'Hey, if you bring your friend to church, they might potentially win a 3-D television, a 3-DS or a 3-D movie ticket package.'"

The way of the Samurai.
The way of the Samurai.

"You may not remember the part of the Beatitutes where Jesus went all Oprah on his disciples and miraculously presented them with 3-D TVs, but Dykstra has unlocked Christ's long-hidden secret message of raw consumerism. He's also discovered another little-known fact about everyone's favorite first-century Jewish carpenter: he may have been known as the Prince of Peace, but dude was secretly a Master Samurai.

On the church's website, in a section called "The Code Of The Samurai," visitors are told that, "Average people take what they can get, hoping to contribute as little as possible," and, "Average people live in fear that they will not have enough."

And what better way to appeal to "average" people than with "crap" like a fancy new TV they can show off to the neighbors? Better yet, if they follow "master Samurai Jesus," they will be "blessed" with plenty more where that came from.

Whatever Dykstra's selling, there are buyers. His church has grown from a few hundred members to 3,000 in six years.

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