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Report: Minnesota wins 2018 election

Ilhan Omar's going to the U.S. Congress, so... things can't be THAT bad, can they?

Ilhan Omar's going to the U.S. Congress, so... things can't be THAT bad, can they? Adam Iverson

You can't win 'em all. 

But there are some you really, really need to win, because the terms are so stark you are, by voting, defining yourseslves as a populace.

Minnesota did itself some favors yesterday (and the days leading up to it, for you early voters) by turning the hell out and voting to:

1) Elect a school teacher and his Native American child services advocate running mate to run the state (bonus points: she can sing "The Star-Spangled Banner" ... and "Purple Rain")

2) Send two women to the United States Senate (did you know a dozen and a half states have never had one?)

3) Send a whip-smart young Somali-born refugee woman with natural rhythm and an easy smile to Congress (reader: please picture the look on Steve King's face when Ilhan steps up to a microphone on the House floor)

4) Spike two toxic men -- one lazy and sold-out, the other deeply in hate with the world's victims -- and replace them with straight-laced professionals who both quit the money-making game to take a crack at helping people (they're going to vote to raise their own taxes)

5) Elect an energetic leftie lawyer to sue the shit out of Donald Trump's corrupt corporatist regime (reader: please picture him deposing Scott Pruitt; not gonna happen, but fun to envision)

6) Reject a monster (these parentheses are reserved for Doug Wardlow stories: one, two, three, four, five)

7) Flip the Minnesota House of Representatives (imagine lawmakers who care less about which teens are using which bathroom and care more about poor people having a bed to sleep in)

8) Elect a kind, people-loving sheriff who has a husband, a dog, and a motorcycle (the dog's name is Nike)

9) Return a highly qualified, dissent-writing lesbian to the Minnesota Supreme Court (dear Republicans: is Michelle MacDonald, like, the only ambitious wingnut lawyer in your whole party?)

10) Decide Ramsey County couldn't be represented by a sheriff who jeopardized the safety of his employees and the inmates in his jail (let's all keep an eye on ol' Bob Fletcher though, eh?)

11) Legalize booze (guys: let's all go out this weekend! Or tomorrow night! TONIGHT!)

12) Prove that we will not be cowed into not participating in this world just because bullies who hate us got themselves in charge, and that we will respond by marching and voting and voting and voting ("when the going gets weird," etc.)

We'd say "congratulations, Minnesota," but anyone who knows anything knows that's not how this works. Take a deep breath. Sip some coffee. Take the dogs for a walk. Ask someone out to lunch. Get some headspace, get your energy back, and stay focused.

The real work starts this morning.