Ward Sutton

Physical Characteristics: They're the Republicans who look like Democrats from a distance, but look like Civil War re-enactors up close.

Natural Habitat: Online meet-up groups.

Personal Disposition: Obsessive.

Evolutionary Purpose: To reduce the constitution to a shrill buzzword.

Place on the Food Chain: Somewhere between Deaniacs and Goldwater Girls.

Feeding Behavior: They subsist off the bunkum spewed by their master, Doctor Paul.

Mating Call: "Ron Paul is a great American and the author of this article is not."

Weapon of Choice: A hardbound copy of Atlas Shrugged to use as a bludgeon (both rhetorically and physically). Also, Google Alerts.

Your Best Defense: Ignore them. Your anger only makes them grow stronger.

Danger Level: Harmless. Their perverse individualism prevents them from mounting a formidable bid for the White House.


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