Tuesday, February 24, 2009 at 1:11 p.m.
What happens when Paul Bunyan and Bigfoot go boot to foot in a a bare-knuckle brawl? Killer fashion and a subtle insight into the battle for supremacy among creatures mistaken as mythological.
But what happened at this specific battle? Well, the kind folks at Ten Bills reported Paul Bunyan as the winner. Little do they know that Bigfoot is a sneaky fellow...
From the play-by-play:
Super heavyweights Bigfoot and Paul Bunyan went at it in a no weapons, bare knuckle brawl that even forced the dirty Sasquatch to resort to hair pulling at one point which showed more desperation than anything to Paul who in result, only became more motivated after that cheap shot move. Needless to say, Paul Bunyan taught Bigfoot a lesson and was victorious in the end. This was a fairly obvious outcome. Bunyan's out working hard everyday. Bigfoot just drinks beers all day long.
Reporting aside, this cultural gem offers insight into the rabid defense of regional mythological characters. I got into an argument over the t-shirt last night, defending Bigfoot to the bitter end. Adding to the misery was a local Minnesotan arguing, quite successfully, why Bunyan would topple Bigfoot without a sweat. She pointed to his superior size, strength, weaponry and the ability to sick his giant blue ox on the hairy fellow. My only counter was to point-out that Bigfoot , in his native habitat, is sneakier than Storm Shadow. Sure, he might get beat up once, but he'll come back to hunt Bunyan at night, and toss a throwing star (in Bigfoot's case, a sharpened pine cone) at his throat.
The thing is... the argument got heated. Both sides went at the conversation as though there was something at stake. These two creatures actually meant something to both of us. It was like arguing who was better in their prime: Tarkenton or Favre. (A: Favre).
The conversation left us both a little miffed. And I even slighted Bunyan's wardrobe. I was desperate. But to hear someone tear apart the legend of Bigfoot tore me apart. It was like the time Frank Miller informed me that Superman was nothing more than a lackey for U.S. corporate interests.
It was a sad night for the big-footed fellow. It still bothers me that I had to come clean at the end of the argument and admit: Yes, Bunyan would beat the shit out of Bigfoot.
But hours later it donned on me... the fight was rigged. In fact, the fight could never happen.
Here's why: Bunyan is mythological. Bigfoot, on the other hand, is real.
1. By "Bigfoot" of course I mean Sasquatch...